We are oceans apart yet I already feel so close to you all. Support organisations for the widowed such as Soaring Spirits and Widows Voice become like a second family. Brothers and sisters in grief. Without having met any of you I feel comfortable in sharing my journey with you. I would like to say a big thank you, to not only soaring spirits…
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Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass
Beyond the missing of you ….. Beyond the not having my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my all-things-in-life go-to person …… Beyond not having our future to look forward to, or our today to live ….. Beyond all of that, and above and in addition to all of that …. Quite Frankly …….. and let me be blunt …. Your death is a…
An out of the world gift
My wedding anniversary is not until the end of August. So I was very surprised this week when I received an email from my best friend with an anniversary present in it. My best friend CJ bought me a star. She said she wanted me to have it early enough to be able to find it. I have known CJ since we were in middle school. I was her maid of honor in…
That Other Life
Does it ever stop? Does it ever really go away? That feeling. That longing, that comes out of nowhere. That thing where you are inside of a moment, even enjoying it and loving it, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, that feeling, like you’ve swallowed a nail, just enters your stomach, like an invasion. Suddenly, while…
Me…Sighing~
Tired. Exhausted. Done in. Over it. Finito. That pretty much describes me where I am right now. Not because of the grief, necessarily, though I guess it springs from the place inside of me where grief lives.Mostly it has to do with all the ugliness of the world at large, both domestically and globally, and all of that makes me miss my…
The Agony of Defeat
Lately, I feel as if there are no more words left in the universe to properly describe how I feel. The words and phrases just don’t exist, or I’ve already described them multiple times, or I’m tired of describing them, or it’s repetitive and nobody wants to hear about it anymore anyway, or it’s just incredibly exhausting to constantly try and…
Plan B
I’m typing this in Sarasota, Florida sitting at a little restaurant bar downtown by myself. I flew down yesterday after my visit with my folks in Virginia and the idea is this: to investigate whether this state could be a possible place to relocate. Scary, yes. Hard, yes. Sad, yes. Possibly also exciting, yes.Because I might (read: probably will)…
It’s ok to not be ok
This week as been nothing short of rough. I’m hoping through this blog I will come up with something inspiring. But the truth is sometimes life is just hard. For some reason, I’m not overly sure why, I just have been very stressed and emotional this week. Sometimes it just hits you really hard, the truth, and the reality of where you are and…
We Can Do Better
This past Wednesday, July 13th, was the 5-year anniversary of my husband’s sudden death. Beginning on the first year anniversary, back in 2012, I started a campaign called “Pay it Forward for Don Shepherd.” I have run and organized this campaign / project on July 13th, every single year since he died. So, this is the 5th year of doing the…
I miss my someone
This week my sister turned 30. So we headed to Nashville to celebrate. It was an amazing trip. We had a blast. But as I looked around I noticed something I notice a lot, everyone with their “someone”. And it just makes me miss my someone. Over the course of this year I have become more comfortable being the single parent and the third wheel. It…
Fight Hate With Love
Orlando. Dallas. Alton Sterling. Philando Castile. So many others. So many lives. So much violence. So much racism. So much hate. Not enough listening. Not enough hearing. Not enough empathy. The words that follow here will not be ‘political” in nature, though I will be sharing my political opinions a bit. Despite this, I choose to see…
My Husband’s Son
I will never forget the morning I had to tell my children their daddy was gone. My five year old daughter took it the hardest. She understood the words I was saying, although she couldn’t comprehend the true meaning of it she knew death meant he wasn’t coming home. My four year old son did not understand it at, his response was “Ok can I go…