This week, for reasons too complicated to get into here, I released a piece on my personal grief blog, sharing that 20 years ago this year, in the middle of the night, in my apartment, I was raped. (if you want to understand more about that post or why I chose to speak up about it now, you can find it at www.ripthelifeiknew.com, or all over my…
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Long Live Love~
In the before moments As you hold tight while trying to let go Waiting for that last breath Dreading that last breath Holding your breath waiting for that last breath Gasping in your breath as he exhales his last breath Long Live LoveAs you sit and stand and pace and stare Wondering at this new world of without With only your breath in it Where…
Key West or Bust
May 15th, 2015 is a day I will never forget. I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Key West. This was going to be our best trip yet. We had the whole long weekend planned out. Two of our best friends were going with us. It was going to be an epic unforgettable trip. But as life would have it I instead stood in front of about 300 people and gave…
Transitions
I just ended a relationship with someone I had been seeing for about 4 months. Like me, he is widowed, and I met him on a dating site. I guess you could say we “broke up.” Is that still what the kids call it these days? I have no idea. I didn’t word it that way when I ended things between us. The phrase “breaking up” almost sounds too childish and…
We Grew a Family
So, I am writing to you today from Akron, Ohio. I am sitting across the table from my beautiful friend Sarah, who is also writing a piece in her journal at the exact same time that I attempt to write this piece on this blog. I am staying here for the weekend, with Sarah and Mike. (and Mike’s 9 year old daughter, Shelby, who is awesome) All…
My Brain as a Treadmill~
I’m grateful I have this spot to write out my thoughts, to think out my thoughts and, maybe at times, make sense of my thoughts. More often than not, it seems that I am incapable of writing in prose here. Sometimes just listing the idle thoughts that run through my brain comes more easily. Every part of me is exhausted this week. More than…
Smile, even when it’s hard
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…
Widow Word~
W I D O W Add an E R for the guys W I D O W E R S Both words mean the same thing. Someone we loved died. Someone we still love, died. Gone, gone, goneAnd it’s up to us, those left behind, to create new lives for ourselves. It’s a powerful word, an ugly word to most of us. If not all of us It carries within its’ letters all the pain and…
Cole turns 3
My youngest son just turned three! Birthdays are always a fun time for our family, it’s a time to come together and really celebrate life. Last year for his second birthday I didn’t do it as big as I normally do. I was still in a very dark state, I knew I had to celebrate his birthday but honestly I didn’t want to. So this year I made sure to…
Just Life
Today is one of those weird days where I don’t have much to say. I love writing for this blog, and 9 times out of 10, even when I sit down to start typing and have no clue what Im going to write about, I end up coming up with something after all. But every now and then, you just have one of those weeks where there’s not much going on or not much to…
Once upon a time….
Once upon a time I had a perfect life. Maybe not the life everyone wanted but it was so very perfect to me. I have never been one to want a lot. Having a healthy family with a home was always enough for me. We always enjoyed doing things together and lived in every moment. When that all changed I told myself to just be grateful that I had it at one…
Vernacular
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my dear widower friend, and he said something that really stuck with me. “You know what I miss the most?”, he said.”I miss her vernacular. That way that she spoke, that only she could speak. The way she spoke to me.” After thinking about this long and hard, about what he said and what he meant by it, I…