For the past 15 years my family and I have taken our vacation to Myrtle Beach, SC. When Joey and I started dating he started coming with us. Over the years of marriage and children it has become our family tradition as well. Last year we came a month after Joeys passing. I remember very little of the trip. I was constantly faking a smile and trying…
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Trust Your Gut
Last month was the 5 year mark since my husband’s sudden death. About 11 months after he died, I started going to see my grief counselor/therapist. I found her through a series of other therapists that were either not a match for me, didn’t get it at all, or were way too expensive. (and for me, way too expensive = any money at all, since Im broke.)…
Facing your fears
Two weeks ago my oldest son was involved in a bicycle accident. He was being a typical 14 year old boy and decided to ride is bike down an extremely steep hill and lost control at the end. The handlebar stabbed him in the stomach, he was then thrown off the bike. He was conscious but immediately began to throw up. Thank God his friend was with him…
The Choice That Isn’t A Choice
There is a question that I hear asked within the widowed community, over and over again, time after time, on an endless loop. Widowed people, for whatever reason, seem to like asking one another this question, and seem to enjoy dissecting the meaning of the various answers to the question, when asking another fellow widowed person. The question…
Why am I still here?
When someone you truly love dies you cannot help but feel empty and useless. You wonder why and how you will live this life without them. For me I know I have to; I have four kids depending on me. I can’t let them down, I can’t leave them. But for a long time my mentality was I needed to live long enough to raise them, get them off on their own…
Uniquely Familiar Story
We are oceans apart yet I already feel so close to you all. Support organisations for the widowed such as Soaring Spirits and Widows Voice become like a second family. Brothers and sisters in grief. Without having met any of you I feel comfortable in sharing my journey with you. I would like to say a big thank you, to not only soaring spirits…
Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass
Beyond the missing of you ….. Beyond the not having my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my all-things-in-life go-to person …… Beyond not having our future to look forward to, or our today to live ….. Beyond all of that, and above and in addition to all of that …. Quite Frankly …….. and let me be blunt …. Your death is a…
An out of the world gift
My wedding anniversary is not until the end of August. So I was very surprised this week when I received an email from my best friend with an anniversary present in it. My best friend CJ bought me a star. She said she wanted me to have it early enough to be able to find it. I have known CJ since we were in middle school. I was her maid of honor in…
That Other Life
Does it ever stop? Does it ever really go away? That feeling. That longing, that comes out of nowhere. That thing where you are inside of a moment, even enjoying it and loving it, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, that feeling, like you’ve swallowed a nail, just enters your stomach, like an invasion. Suddenly, while…
Me…Sighing~
Tired. Exhausted. Done in. Over it. Finito. That pretty much describes me where I am right now. Not because of the grief, necessarily, though I guess it springs from the place inside of me where grief lives.Mostly it has to do with all the ugliness of the world at large, both domestically and globally, and all of that makes me miss my…
The Agony of Defeat
Lately, I feel as if there are no more words left in the universe to properly describe how I feel. The words and phrases just don’t exist, or I’ve already described them multiple times, or I’m tired of describing them, or it’s repetitive and nobody wants to hear about it anymore anyway, or it’s just incredibly exhausting to constantly try and…
Plan B
I’m typing this in Sarasota, Florida sitting at a little restaurant bar downtown by myself. I flew down yesterday after my visit with my folks in Virginia and the idea is this: to investigate whether this state could be a possible place to relocate. Scary, yes. Hard, yes. Sad, yes. Possibly also exciting, yes.Because I might (read: probably will)…