Do you ever feel like the life that you had, and the person you were with (who died), is just slipping further and further away? Does it ever feel like you’re driving down the road, some long and unknown highway, with no destination or reason, and when you look in your rearview mirror – that life that you knew just gets smaller and smaller? Do…
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Stardust Dances and the Universe~
Swirling and dancing back and forth Dipping and swaying in time…Dance me to the End of Love…with Leonard Cohen You’re the Inspiration….with Chicago When I Said I Do…with Clint Black Around the kitchen into the dining room In the backyard under the canopy With the flowers bright around us Under a full moon with the dark skies around us and…
To my kids, I’m sorry
Some weeks are just harder than others. Some weeks everything just weighs on me more. This was one of those weeks. I love my kids with everything I have. I honestly don’t think I would of gotten through any of this without them. They have always been my reason for living. For pushing forward, for fighting through the grief and never going off the…
A Slice of Hope
So, what Im about to write here today may, on the surface, seem to have nothing at all to do with grief or with being widowed – and maybe it doesnt, but it also does. This election and everything surrounding it, has affected me in ways I cannot even describe. It has brought back the intense grief of losing my husband, and I did not expect those…
My Brain in Short Sentences~
I Am So tired. Living Without him Is exhausting In Every way.I work Hard Every day To create a New life And it takes Every damn bit of Energy to Do that because Really (shhh, it’s a secret) I don’t Give a damn about Creating A new life Without him But I’m supposed to Care and I have to support myself So…. I do what I need To do but Honestly…
Quilts and Flowers
This week I took two huge steps in this journey of grief. I did not plan on them happening in the same week or even on the same day. But that’s what ended up happening. It’s weird how when you change things in your home or your life the different emotions that come with it. I always feel so much guilt when I move his stuff out of the place he left…
Beautifully Broken
I have always believed that we are all connected – that every one of us on this earth, connects to each other in both tiny and ginormous ways – sometimes without even knowing it or realizing it. Some connections are obvious right away, others become more obvious with time, and still others are a puzzle to be figured out at a later date. Whatever…
Widow Speak~
There really is no explaining it In words that either convey or make sense to anyone WIDOW The depths of the word change daily and minute by minute Depending on the day or the minute In the beginning, it means devastation conflagration incineration annihilation Each of those feeling remain or don’t Depending on the day or the minuteIt’s going…
Learning to Celebrate Again
Ever since Joey and I started dating we always celebrate the holidays, we did them big! Halloween was always one of our favorites we would always dress up together and once we had children we made it a family affair. Christmas was always big in our house as well. Lots of decorations and family activities. This time of year was just always very…
Its My Anniversary, and My Husband Is Dead
Today is my wedding anniversary.October 27, 2006.It is late at night now, and I have gone through the entire day,of my anniversary,alone.Without my husband. This would have been our 10-year anniversary.An entire decade together.All the things that might have happened,in those 10 years. The house we might have searched for together,and bought.Or the…
Living his list
So I did it. I made it to Key West, honestly I didn’t know if I would. It didn’t seem like it would ever be reality, it would just always be this far away dream that I could never really grasp. Leading up to the trip, even just writing a pre Key West blog, I did not allow myself to be excited. I didn’t want to jinx anything. But we landed…
I’m Sorry
Do not tell me time will heal because I beg to differ. Instead time only allows you to become use to grief.If you care that much, than say to me.I’m sorry.I’m sorry I don’t have the words to ease your pain.I’m sorry you ever had to hear the words “he’s gone”. I’m sorry for those words that brought you to scream, the words that…