I have gone out of my way to avoid the parking lot of our doctor’s office for two years and two months. I’d park on the other side of the building and walk the long way to get to my appointment. As I approached the glass doors to the dreaded parking from the opposite entrance I’d avoid looking at one specific tree. This tree marked the spot where…
Blog
where’s my towel?
for the second time in less than a week there was no towel waiting for me when i got out of the shower.why? because i left the damn thing hanging on the door knob in my bedroom. first instinct, still, 13+ months after she died was to yell, “hey liz! can you please bring me a towel?” fuck. when does that go away? the fact that i left my…
We Missed Him …..
…. at this little girl’s (the one in purple) college graduation this weekend. Very much. But I didn’t cry. If you don’t count the night before. That was the toughest time. For me. He should have been there. These “big events” are both sweet …. and difficult. I never pictured doing them without him. Never. But it was good. We celebrated. We…
Thanks for Being You
Grayson and I had a great day on Sunday. A relaxing morning of pancakes and hanging out around the house, followed by a crawfish boil and dinner at my mom’s. As I tucked him in for the night, I hugged him tight and said the words: “thank you for being you”. He asked me what I meant and I told him how much I love him for being just the way he is and…
Tethered
Seven years ago Phil and I decided to climb Mt. Whitney, the highest peak in the contiguous United States. We recruited some other crazy hikers; we worked out a year long training schedule (he chose the trails and I planned the distances and elevation order); we went on several exploratory hikes in search of good training climbs; we ate, drank,…
Card Carrying Member
I have one and I use it. I do. When I’m tired, overwhelmed, or just feel like giving the moaning, complaining-about-their-cellulite-people around me a wake-up call. I work it into a conversation and I slap it down.Then stand back watching with internal glee (most of the time) as others stumble, fall over themselves, or stifle all objections. I love…
3
Three… Three whopping years since it happened. Since my soul mate went to the other side and I ventured out in the unfamiliar world called widowhood.The Angel-versary is always a time where I look back on the time that has passed, things that have been conquered, feelings that have been realized, and growth that has taken place. As I drove in my…
moving
I have been packing. Due to various circumstances beyond my control, the kids and I are moving house. I am determined to make this one of the most organized and tidy moves of all time. This is because the only people who will be available to assist me in the move on the big day are other mamas. Changing phone numbers, applying for education…
new refrigerator
i bought a new refrigerator a couple of weeks ago to replace the one that had been fixed twice and was still leaking water all over my floor.a few days before it was delivered i looked at the old one and realized i needed to clean it. both the inside and the outside needed cleaning so i removed the photos, wedding invitations, recipes, and…
Dreaming ….
…. would be a much better thing if we could control it, wouldn’t it? ….. or would it? I’d love going to sleep each night if I knew that I could dream of Jim. I would choose to dream about him as much as possible.Good dreams. Dreams in which he’d be alive. Dreams in which our lives had never been altered …. or rather, ripped to shreds. But…
Uncomfortable
It’s been four and a half years. I have lived 1, 650 days without Daniel Dippel’s voice in my ears, his hand in mine, his presence at my side. I have bought and moved to two different houses and owned two cars he’s never seen. My child has grown 20 inches and advanced 4 grades. I have wrinkles I never dreamed of and traveled to places he’d only…
Still Hurts
One of the very few tasks I completed myself in preparing for Phil’s funeral was personalizing the “guest book.” I clearly remember someone asking me what kind of book I would like to provide for the people who attended the funeral to sign. Suddenly visions of a wedding guest book popped up in my mind and I began to cry as I realized the huge…