we walked here, in the same place you now stand, through a uttar pradeshian summer, the two of us, hand-in-hand until we could no longer.still we walked near one another, separated by it, yet kept close because of it. we learned about this place, hearing how it and a lack of water drove them from here. we both understood then, why otherwise…
Blog
Honest to a Fault ….
…. is what I can sometimes be …. I think. Some people do not enjoy my honesty on my personal blog. I’ve learned to hold back on some things ….. things that will have an effect on those I love. Although sometimes holding back puts me in a very, very lonely place.I wish that I could just pour out every single feeling that comes my way when…
Little Faces
Tucking Grayson into bed the other night – “Mom, will you lay down with me for a few minutes?”. Who can resist that? I crawled into bed with the little guy, and promptly fell asleep. I didn’t sleep for long, maybe five minutes, but when I woke up, I was lying on my side looking at him in profile. It took my breath away how much he looked like…
Death Grip
For the last couple of weeks I have been in Australia with my three kids, my daughter’s best friend, and my fiancé. We spent ten magical days touring, laughing, learning Australian phrases, introducing the kids to Michael’s friends and family, and exploring our new family dynamics. We couldn’t have asked for a better first togetherness trip.The…
Lying
Ok I admit it. I’ve been lying. Not really lying buuutttttt not telling the full truth. Because well, people look at me funny when I say, “I’m good!” “I’m doing well.” after they ask “How are you?” I interpret their look to mean “but she’s a widow.”While writing lately, I’ve stayed within the imaginary widow party lines…
Friends
For those that really know me, they know how open I am in sharing that a huge percentage of the reason I am still here today, has been due to my friends.Before Michael was killed, my friendships were on a superficial level. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t have long-time friends, but the essence of who I was wasn’t truly understood.The only person…
the perfect father
Lately, Liv and I have been struggling. We have been fighting arguing about everything from whether she should brush her extremely knot-filled hair before departing for the day to whether older sisters are ‘allowed’ to speak to their younger brothers in a hatred filled voice to whether it is her job to clean up her mess. She claims that my…
i didn’t think about it
i thought about it from time to time, but i wasn’t sure i’d ever come across it again. i had a vague sense of where it was, but it’s not like i i really end up near this place all that often.so the memory could have remained just that. i’ve gone much further to find the places i’ve wanted to rediscover, and this one is so…
didn’t think about it
i thought about it from time to time, but i wasn’t sure i’d ever come across it again. i had a vague sense of where it was, but it’s not like i i really end up near this place all that often. so the memory could have remained just that. i’ve gone much further to find the places i’ve wanted to rediscover, and this one is so…
And Now for Something Completely Different
Some things remain unchanged for centuries, such as Stonehenge (my photo, two summers ago). Others change much more rapidly, such as myself (no photo, you’ve seen me before ;). I guess 4 and a half years isn’t a tiny bit of time, but in the framework of a lifetime, 4 years is pretty quick. I find it hard to believe how far I’ve come since November…
A Slow Fade ….
… is not what happens the day your soul mate dies. There’s nothing slow about the slamming shut of the door of your life. Your life as you knew it. Your “before” life. Your future as you dreamed it. The door slams shut. All light is snuffed out. Literally. You are thrust into a very, very dark, very cold place.No …. not slow at all. But…
Guess Who is Coming to Dinner?
I don’t know why, but when I sat down to write this post, I thought of this title. Recently I was asked to be a guest blogger here on Widow’s Voice, so here I am. This new world that I have become a part of is very strange. Sometimes I feel like my new peer group should be called something darker, like Knights of the Darkness, or The Left Behind.