Not sure what I want to write about tonight, but I will begin by telling you where I am. Lobby of Marriott hotel, Tampa, Florida. Attending and presenting my comedic performance for the 6th time at Camp Widow. All of the camp events officially begin in the morning, but Ive been here since yesterday afternoon, and have already reconnected with old…
Widowed
Dust
Honestly…sometimes the hardest part about writing here each week is figuring out what notto write. I know many of my family and friends read this, so sometimes I try to be careful about revealing any of the darkest parts of my soul. I don’t want to worry them because I am not naturally a gloom and doom type of person. I’m pretty upbeat and…
Not this…But, oh yes, This
Grief illiteracy has been on my mind quite a bit in the last couple weeks. Even if you don’t know that term, you’ll know what I mean when I tell you about my face-to-face with it. And you’ll nod your head and say to yourself (or to the room in general)….oh, yes….I keep a personal blog in addition to writing for Widows Voice, and I have for…
Busy
Well, not actually.And I’m going bonkers.I’ve always been a reasonably mentally busy person, and coped with Ian’s death by keeping up the pace until I was pretty much forced to stop (and then I didn’t pull everything back). But as a student and not working, it’s an annoying time of the year for me. Always has been. The Christmas/New Year’s…
The Monk’s Room
Perhaps it is the frozen weather that has me frozen in my grief. I am not certain of the reason. I only know that, this week, I have felt the full weight of his absence. In 8 days, it will be eight months since my husband died. It feels like a whole lifetime has passed, since he left us. It feels like it happened yesterday. I sit with both…
A Powerful Destruction
Before I get into my post for this week, I just wanted to mention how EXCITED I am to be attending Camp Widow in Tampa this coming week! I mention it because last year, I attended but did not mention here – and it turned out there were a few readers who had no idea I was coming. For anyone out there who is, I am so looking forward to meeting you at…
Traveling My New Path
As I write this, I’m sitting in a plane, flying from Los Angeles to New York. I’m back in the USA for Camp Widow East next weekend and decided to make a holiday off it, fulfilling a life-long dream of visiting the Big Apple. This is my second trip to the states and again I find it very emotional to be here without Dan, as it reminds me of all…
Go
I wrote this piece on Tuesday evening, after a very profound phone session with my grief-therapist, in which we talked about a horrible dream I had awhile back , where Don was still alive – and told me he wanted a divorce, and that he didn’t love me, and that he had never loved me. I honestly had no idea what that dream meant, or why I would dream…
I Shall Wear Purple…
Many years ago Mike and I were having lunch at a local restaurant here in Kona when a bevy of ladies filed in all dressed up in purple dresses and big red hats. I stared, mouth agape, in utter astonishment and fascination. What were they doing coming out dressed like that? It was the first time I’d seen the Red Hatters and I was instantly…
And Then There was Love
I’m almost in Tampa for Camp Widow, arriving early from Arizona. This has been a long road trip for me, and taxing in a different way from my previous travels, emotionally. Perhaps it’s the knowing that this really will be for me, as so many have assured me, a life-changing weekend. This grief is exhausting and I want it to shift for me but…
The Long Cycle
I’ve been aware for a few days or so that the anniversary march is starting up for me again. John’s birthday, Surgery day, Illness day, Death day. A long 5 months.This year, although actually a whole lot better at this point than the last two, there have been some bells ringing that I just couldn’t put my finger on.Until a bout of insomnia last…
Rushing Toward the Light
These past few weeks, I have been in a rush toward healing. I have tried to dwell in the blessed memory of my husband, and to rejoice in his character. I have tried to begin to rebuild my life in a way that would honour his spirit. I have tried to reach, to grow, and to soften, as I know he would have wanted. I am doing all the right things. I am…