….. even though it did take two years for me to believe it. I will. …. even though it took two years for me to want to. I will….. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m knocked down by an unexpected wave. I will. …. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m angry at Jim for leaving (yes, it’s irrational, of…
Widowed Suddenly
Owning My Path
“As a widow you will learn that the only choice that ultimately brings peace is walking the path of grief that has your name on it. The only way to walk with grief is to meet it head on and know that those who have walked before you have survived.” ~Linda Perrone RooneyI found this quote over the weekend, and instantly wanted to share it with all…
He Did It
Michael did. Not through buildings, books, televisions or how much money he had in his account- but through lives. The lives he touched with his words, kindness, support. The lives he touched through his love, encouragement and unfaltering friendship.He did it. He did it without even trying. He created something that will last forever. If not only…
deux ans
Deux ans. Two anniversaries of the day I lost my huge, hairy and hilarious husband. I’ve learned so very much in these two short years. A lifetime of lessons. Lessons I didn’t really want to know.I now know that although I did not think in those first few hours, days and months, that I would survive, I did. I breathed each breath with a sob. I…
its complicated
spent time with a relatively new friend. a widow with far too much in common. the number 25 shows up so often for both of us that i’ve suggested we both stop using quarters.anyway, she’s in town to take her kids to disneyland and the beach, and i’ve offered up a few of my afternoons to show them around town. today, my friend asked me to…
Romance, the Second Time Around ….
….. is not a walk in the freakin’ park. Don’t get me wrong …. it can certainly be wonderful ….. but it also can really piss me off.I tend to get pissed at Jim a lot now …. for dying and leaving my in this position. I wouldn’t have to be dating someone new if he hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be getting angry at how different this man is if he…
What I Can Do
From the minute I was told that Phil was dead I have been tortured by things I could not do. Initially, the fact that no amount of hoping, denying, praying, or screaming was going to bring him back to life haunted my days. I was obsessed with the idea that the world would be whole again only when someone with a magic wand brought me back my…
The Ring
It is no secret…. my engagement ring is part of me. When he slipped it on my finger that September day, it symbolized more than our unity, but more so our eternal love, undying dedication and taking this journey together…never faltering.It is a main reason that I wanted Michael cremated with his on. It eternalized it. It cemented what was…
which way did he go?
Jeff’s birthday was on the 16th. The kids and I performed our birthday tradition of making him a blueberry pie. As per Liv and Briar’s directions, we lit a candle and stood on the back deck waiting for him (aka the wind) to blow it out. After a few minutes, the kids ‘helped’ him and blew it out themselves.It broke my heart to watch them standing…
the perfect single dad?
well, i’ve been talking to my best bud chrissy over at the storked! blog and we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the differences between single moms and single dads, and of course, dating. she wrote a little something interesting over on her page, with a quote from me that many will find controversial… so…she asked for a quote, “i realize…
I Still Miss You
I Still Miss YouI’ve changed the presets in my truckso those old songs don’t sneak upthey still find me and remind meyeah you come back that easytry restaurants I’ve never been toorder new things off the menuthat I never tried cause you didn’t liketwo drinks in you were by my sideI’ve talked to friendsI’ve talked to myselfI’ve talked to GodI prayed…
Flashbacks
Phil died a violent death. Though my brain acknowledges this fact, I have tried to shield my heart from the reality of his final moments. I am not a person who ever felt compelled to explore the details of the exact location of his body on the pavement, or the number of seconds it took the driver to pull over after the accident. My imagination…