well, i’ve been talking to my best bud chrissy over at the storked! blog and we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the differences between single moms and single dads, and of course, dating. she wrote a little something interesting over on her page, with a quote from me that many will find controversial… so…she asked for a quote, “i realize…
Widowed Parenting
Spring Break!
I should be sitting in one of these chairs this week, it’s spring break. I’m not, but my little guy will be heading to the beach with my parents tomorrow and he’s looking forward to the trip. I am guiltily looking forward to three days on my own. As an only parent I get very few opportunities to do “me things” without having to ask someone’s help…
Skipping Out
You have cataracts.” my eye doctor declares. “I what?” You have cataracts, she says, this time a little more slowly since I obviously don’t understand her the first time. “But I’m 45 years old” I think.Out loud I say, “Aren’t I a bit young?” She says “Yes but it was probably bought on by the low dose steroids you’ve been on for years due to your…
certificate
spent the evening talking to someone in the same predicament. sometime during the call i felt this incredible guilt,realizing that i had driven past the city where liz’s remains are housed when i drove to/from my cabin the tuesday of my fishing trip. can’t believe i didn’t think about this as i drove past the town. what an asshole. how…
Is It Worth the Effort?
I am in a relationship. It’s been about 5 months now and it’s mostly going great. Mostly. I am finding that having a relationship while still grieving for what I do not have is very, very difficult. Of course it’s difficult to blend the children. Some of mine are making it WAY difficult. His (he has been a widower for over 8 years) have been great.
In it for the Long Haul
For the longest time the question that haunted me was: “why him, why not me?” – for a while, the question was more often “why not take me too?”. Michele and I used to talk about the big black ship that would come pick us up and carry us away to wherever Phil and Daniel were. I told myself I’d jump on that boat and race away without a second…
doctor visit
it was time to go to take my perfect child to the doctor. that perfect child started screaming as soon as i put her carseat into the base.tried to give her the pacifier while driving (exceedingly difficult while driving a car with manual transmission). that didn’t work. tried holding her hand. that didn’t work. tried rubbing her cheek.
It Should Have Been Me …..
I hesitated quite a while before I wrote this post. I don’t know why …. I know without a doubt that you “get it”. Actually I do know why. It’s because I don’t want anyone to read this as a “poor me” post, or as an attempt to get sympathy. It’s not that. It’s just …. reality. And I’m ok with it.It should have been me. How many times have you…
Venting ….
….. I am angry this week. I’m more than angry. (I’d say that I’m pissed but I don’t want to appear un-lady-like.) I’m angry at a certain person and the anger is magnified because he’s not even here to notice or deal with it. Yep, I’m angry with Jim …. who’s been dead for 2 years and 2 months (but who’s counting?).How dare he leave me here to be…
Do You Mind?
Hi honey, It has been such a long time since I have written you a letter. In fact, my eyes are welling up now realizing that I talk to you all the time in my heart but those words are no longer committed to paper. Remember the letters I wrote to you every day for the first year? I spilled my frustrations, feelings, fears, and memories across every…
Dance Party
I’m never sure how they start. But there is this collective agreement. A collective need to release the energy. And so one of the kids turns the music on and we are having A SPONTANEOUS DANCE PARTY!!! We take turns recording our latest and most definitely best dance moves with our Flip. We don’t care if we are out of rhythm (which rarely happens…
Fill the Void?
The thought occasionally enters my mind now and then that maybe I should date. I’m lonely. I want someone to talk to. Someone to spend time with. Someone to care about and have care about me. But then, I wonder, am I just looking for Jeff? No one is EVER going to measure up to him. No one is ever going to have his sense of humor, his sexiness, his…