Sex. I’ve been thinking about it lately. And I really miss it. I miss the animal-ness of having another sweaty body pressed down against mine, the sounds, the smell. I miss being openly desired, I miss teasing, I miss all the foreplay that comes before. I miss being sexy. I miss being a sensual woman. And I find myself unsure if I even know how…
Widowed by Illness
Playing Cards
Sometimes when people learn that Maggie and I did not have any children together they say “Oh, that’s good.” Other times they say “Oh, that’s too bad.” Either way, it’s very odd to me that they feel the need to pass judgment on whether or not we have kids. It was just timing. Really! Just timing! Before Maggie’s diagnosis, we did…
Disappointment
I received an email from a friend today. She decided that she needed to be direct with me about the status of our friendship. She said that she doesn’t know how to be in a friendship with me anymore, and that she has felt this way ever since Michael died. She feels like any pain, loss, disappointment or loneliness that she has experienced in her…
Ugly and Forgiveness
This is post from March 26, 2010 I’ve been going back to find myself, to ground this experience, to find a way to mark the growth, the good changes and all the challenges I have overcome. I’m been going back to find courage. This is what the post said. ——-“He’s in our thoughts and prayers.” “We are sending a blanket of love.” Those…
This must be the place
Grayson and I had a talk this week about where home is. It was in the context of a homeless man we saw at an intersection, and Grayson was saying that he wondered where the man’s home was. We talked about our own home, and what a “home” really means to you. I told him my home is where I find the most comfort and feel the most loved and that I feel…
Even If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit, Try Wearing It.
Talk about having some big shoes to fill. Or in my case, some tall stilettos. I am very gracious, and honored, that Michele has given me this opportunity to share with you on a weekly basis. I know that many of you looked forward to reading her words, or taking inspiration, from her journey. Yet, I do understand her decision to modify her course…
The New Road
some where on the I-5 in CA heading south 862 miles 14 hours in the car in two days. Less actually, because we left at 1:00 pm on Friday and got back tonight (Saturday) at 7:00 pm. It started with a casual comment.”Hey, you guys wanna go to Sacramento to the State Championship Basketball games for the boys and the girls varsity teams?” I asked my…
I’m Not Dead Yet
I own a t-shirt just like this one. The quote is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and the t-shirt is from the Broadway Musical “Spamalot”. The movie has always been a favorite, and the musical did not disappoint. I was almost peeing my pants throughout the thing, much to the embarrassment of my much younger siblings. I always get lots of…
Ghost of Art
I read one of his journals today. I read it because I sold our bed, in three hours. I had to empty out his bedside table (they went too) before the guy came to pick it up.Later, as I try to decide where a mattress on a floor would look best, in MY room, I get side tracked and sift through the box of stuff from the bedside tables. I sit down, pick…
The Value of a Friend (Part Five thousand and two…)
I recently attended the Soaring Spirits annual board retreat. Each year the board members get together in the same place to brainstorm ideas for the foundation, establish our annual goals, reestablish our focus for the year and just “be together”. Our board meets regularly, once a month, but our meetings are held via Skype because four of us…
Still A Toddler
Well, it’s Sunday night, and I just realized I needed to get to writing my Monday post. I have kept very busy today with home improvement projects. And, because of Spring being at my door, I have been miserable with allergies. I seem to be popping Benadryl all day long, as if they were breath mints, which is likely why I have been so drowsy all day…
The Widow Card Part 2
I got a traffic ticket a few months ago. Should have hopped out of the car immediately waving my husband’s death certificate. (There is a copy in my computer case, not sure why I leave it there or how it even got there) Instead, I sat in the car, feeling guilty about even thinking about using the widow card… to get out of something that was…