Before Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about death were…
Widowed and Healing
Humbled
I did not want to be a widow. In fact, it is safe to say that I would have liked to be just about anything BUT a widow. It took a while for the reality to set in…I was a WIDOW. Ugh. That word, the dreaded title, the image of a shriveled up person with a love that died, the imagined black veil, the wedding ring that no longer meant married…I…
The Joy
John Clarke once said, “True love is the joy of life.” Now I don’t know John but after this past week I have to add on to these words of inspiration he probably spoke many years ago. Now as I personally know, true love is hands down numero uno in my joy book but the second greatest joy is being around others who have been touched by its graces.
Teens Taking up the Slack – Sweet Sixteen.
It is Anneke’s ‘Sweet Sixteen’ today. On the one hand, I can’t really believe this day has arrived and her father is still gone. Like somehow, at some point he should have walked in the front door and with little fanfare saying “I’m back.” It has been 8 plus years. She has been without him longer than she had him. I should know better…
Celebrating the Journey at Hole 8
This week is a big week for the widows in my life- the military widows of The American Widow Project. Wednesday, we had our first annual charity golf tournament for the organization. Each golf hole was dedicated to the soul mate of an AWP member. I spent the entire day on a golf course in North Carolina with about 120 supporters and 15 military…
Masks ….
…. are very heavy to wear for a long period of time and they tend to make my face sweat. I really thought that I was done wearing them after Jim died. I couldn’t wear them. I didn’t have the energy to snap them into place and keep them from sliding off. So I didn’t.But now, now that it’s a year and a half later; I am finding out that some…
Learning to Focus
A comment made by a special friend about yesterday’s post got me thinking about the fact that people who have lost someone instrumental in their lives tend to view the world from a new, and unwanted, vantage point. After Phil’s death I remember thinking that death swooped in and stole my rose colored glasses…leaving me with a pair of dark shades…
The Little Things
“It may seem boring, but it is the boring things I remember the most.” ~Russell, Adventure Scout from the animated film Up My daughter and I went to see the film Up last weekend. The buzz about the film was all good, but the widow buzz held a warning…good film, heart wrenching theme, message that may speak straight to your heart. Once again,…
In the Park
What is a park to you? A place to walk your dogs, read a book among nature, or just listen to the chirping birds? For me, I’ll be honest with you all….Starting at the age of 16 the park became a place where Michael and I could get away from our parents, sit on a picnic table and have lunch , and do what teenagers do (I’ll let your imagination go…
Bitter
About three years ago I started joking with Michele that I wanted to wear a black t-shirt with word “bitter” printed on it to identify myself as a bitter widow. She refused to let me, more out of fear of the reaction of my poor grieving family members than anything else, but her point was well taken. Wearing the bitter t-shirt would only be funny…
My Friend Grief
Over the past four years grief and I have reluctantly become friends. Grief is not the kind of friend I can call in the middle of the night when I am sad, but rather the kind of friend who sits quietly at the end of my bed while I cry myself to sleep. Grief may be away for weeks or even months at a time, but the knock of this friend is now as…
How Many Tickets?
I never went to the movies solo. For as long as I can remember I had someone to my left or right to share my popcorn and Sour Patch Kids with. Michael, on the other hand, loved catching the latest flick on his own. It was as if he had some freedom I hadn’t quite mastered.I remember the first time I ventured out to explore this alien land. As I…