***This was written 2 days ago*** Charlie… Charlie is more than a dog. Though my family had him since he was a puppy, in 2004 he came to live with me full-time. He became king. Always having been an outside dog, he was thrown into a world where he didn’t have to fight to get to the dog bowl and got to sleep among pillows and soft comforters. An…
Widowed and Healing
Yes
I think for a long time I thought that I’d feel happiness through some sort of thick membrane – see it, sort of touch it, and even be able to experience it in a distant way, but I doubted I’d ever feel genuinely happy again. I was certain the lessons that life had taught me would keep me removed from true happiness – I just wouldn’t be able to let…
Bromance
Well, I’m dating. Okay, maybe I’m not really dating. I’m just not quite sure what to call it. It’s been awhile since I dated anyone, and, it’s been awhile since I have felt the need to qualify exactly what I am doing with another person. It’s kind of odd, going out with someone, talking, and texting several times throughout the week, wondering…
Parenthesis, year 4
***If you’re reading this, it is officially May 21st, 2011. The four year angel-versary of my love. I’m writing this a week in advance, and hopefully have succeeded in doing my fourth skydive jump on the 20th (If I don’t blog next week, I’ll tell all your loves “hello” ;D ). This has become an annual event for the military widows of our…
last monday, in a bookstore.
on monday i came face-to-face with a teenage madeline, and madeline at age 38. two different people, different from the madeline i’m raising right now. but the same. they were still living with what madeline will be living with the rest of her life. … teenage madeline stood across the table from me, holding a copy of the thing i…
Sharing Something …
…. that many of you have probably read before. But it’s always good to read again …. and be reminded of it, just in case you come upon someone else who needs it shared with them. And for those of you who’ve never read it …. you will, as always, relate to every line.”How You Can Help Me” Please talk about my loved one, even though he is…
Saying “NO” to the Fanny Pack
I took part in a 10K race the other week. can’t say that I ran. Technically, I did run…for about ten steps. Then I walked. I couldn’t run because I was overly prepared. I was afraid that I would get thirsty. That I may trip and need a bandaid. That I may require a dab of sunscreen or lip balm aside from the initial application pre-race. That…
Books Revisited
**I’ve been revisiting past blogs. It’s sort of a way to remind myself how far I’ve come and continue to go. Here’s one I wrote May 9, 2009, that I wanted to share. I think we all, in some way or at some point, turn to books, blogs (wink, wink), or other forms of writing for healing** I believe for me, that a huge part of figuring out one’s grief,…
kinship
Nine months after Jeff died, my beloved grandfather joined him in the great fishing grounds in the sky. My grandmother was, understandably bereft. She asked me, “Does it ever begin to feel any better?” In that moment, I was struck by one thing. We were now not only linked by blood and family, but by the kinship of grieving our spouse.Marriage…
another one.
last week in austini met someonewho will die soon. i looked back at her, listening as she shared her life with me, learning that she’d soon be leaving her husband in the position we all find ourselves in. cancer was there, staring me in the face but all i could see was one of the strongest people i had ever met. i cried with her…
Introducing Chris and Maggie
Like everyone else who shares the title “widower” or “widow”, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t kick sleeping dogs or twist baby toes to make them cry. I can’t imagine what I did that pissed off the devil (or God) to get me to this place but here I am. Here you are. I’m not going anywhere so I might as well be polite and introduce us…
Living With The Past, But Not Living In It.
I received a call last weekend that took me a week, and much anxiety, to return. Back when I first met Michael, I was quickly introduced to his best friend. He’s a wonderful guy, the perfect and loyal friend to Michael, and he was also his first boyfriend. They basically grew up together as adults. They saw each other go through many triumphs and…