At the time of this writing it is September 24th. Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary. I know that everyone out there reading this post can understand that this is a difficult week for me. I miss Ben beyond measure every single day, but on our anniversary, well, that’s one of the tougher ones. I wrote an anniversary letter to Ben on my…
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The Echo
So, I apoligize ahead of time for the sheer laziness of this, but my brain cannot think of even ONE thing to say today, and so I figured a good thing to do would be to re-post a poetry piece that I posted in here a couple of yearss ago. It is ssomething I think will resonate always, that feeling of that empty space where they used to be , and how…
Never Have I Ever~
How about…let’s play a possibly desperate game of Never Have I Ever… Or, conversely, Never Did I Ever… Never have I ever… Felt this level of loneliness and aloneness, no matter where I am, whether I’m surrounded by others, no matter what I’m doing.Never did I ever… Imagine that I would ever, could ever, live without you for 4 years…
Counting Life
Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary. 3 months ago yesterday, I chose love again. 3 months ago yesterday, I let love in. 3 months ago yesterday, I faced the terror that I could very well lose this person that I love all over again, and I decided that loving him was worth that pain. 3 months ago yesterday, I began my next great love…
Triangles and Shapes and Pillows~
My fingers lightly grazed your arm, Hairs tickling sensitive tips They slid along your shoulders, Feeling their breadth and strength. My hips tucked themselves into yours, As we slept. Your arm curled behind your back To pull me more snugly into you. Our bodies tucked and curved into one another, one passion filled night after another. Toes…
Anxiety
This new version of life. This life that exists in the now. The one where my husband, is no longer my husband, by law. Because he is dead. And you can’t be married to a dead person. By law. You might still FEEL married, like I did, for almost 4 years, after his death. You might feel as if even looking at another man is…
Simple Words, Again.
I don’t really have any words this week. I miss my husband more than any words can convey. The more time passes, the more months go by, the more deeply embedded his absence from my life becomes. If I were to write a full blog this week, it would consist of I miss you, I miss you, I miss you over and over and…
Everything and Nothing
It’s one of those days where my thoughts are everywhere, nowhere, and make no sense. Just a jumble of strange randomness. The kind of thoughts where you can’t sleep, because you can’t stop thinking. But you don’t really know what on earth you are thinking about. Everything and nothing. That’s what I’m thinking about.I miss my husband,…
Musings about life and guilt. Mostly guilt.
Two years ago on August 31, 2015, Ben wrote these words on our personal blog … “My visits to the BC Cancer Agency only serve to re-enforce my suspicions that by this time next year I’ll be nothing but a memory to everyone. A fond one perhaps, but only a memory. Don’t get me wrong, the people at the BCCA are very kind and helpful but they…
Parallel Lives
Six years after my beloved husband’s sudden death, I finally found love again. I am deeply, madly, passionately, in love. It is wonderful. It is terrifying. It is crazy weird. Being in love with two men. Im not into bigamy. Im not even into threesomes. But really, truly …. that’s what this is. A threesome. But not the kinky…
You will totally get this…
Alison sent me the following message about her blog post for today. I knew you’d all so get her frustration, so I’ve decided to post what she sent me, and send her some words of understanding and encouragement for when her computer is working once again. We love you, Alison!Hi Michele,I can’t write my blog tonight. I think my laptop has a virus or…
Common Ground
This morning is actually Tuesday. It’s a cool, quiet morning… the kind that lends itself to some introspection. Mike, Shelby and I will be headed to the mountains in 2 days, to explore the Smokies and watch the Eclipse. Service down there will be sketchy, hence the early writing time this week. Maybe it’s the trip coming up, or my friend…