This new version of life. This life that exists in the now. The one where my husband, is no longer my husband, by law. Because he is dead. And you can’t be married to a dead person. By law. You might still FEEL married, like I did, for almost 4 years, after his death. You might feel as if even looking at another man is…
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Simple Words, Again.
I don’t really have any words this week. I miss my husband more than any words can convey. The more time passes, the more months go by, the more deeply embedded his absence from my life becomes. If I were to write a full blog this week, it would consist of I miss you, I miss you, I miss you over and over and…
Everything and Nothing
It’s one of those days where my thoughts are everywhere, nowhere, and make no sense. Just a jumble of strange randomness. The kind of thoughts where you can’t sleep, because you can’t stop thinking. But you don’t really know what on earth you are thinking about. Everything and nothing. That’s what I’m thinking about.I miss my husband,…
Musings about life and guilt. Mostly guilt.
Two years ago on August 31, 2015, Ben wrote these words on our personal blog … “My visits to the BC Cancer Agency only serve to re-enforce my suspicions that by this time next year I’ll be nothing but a memory to everyone. A fond one perhaps, but only a memory. Don’t get me wrong, the people at the BCCA are very kind and helpful but they…
Parallel Lives
Six years after my beloved husband’s sudden death, I finally found love again. I am deeply, madly, passionately, in love. It is wonderful. It is terrifying. It is crazy weird. Being in love with two men. Im not into bigamy. Im not even into threesomes. But really, truly …. that’s what this is. A threesome. But not the kinky…
You will totally get this…
Alison sent me the following message about her blog post for today. I knew you’d all so get her frustration, so I’ve decided to post what she sent me, and send her some words of understanding and encouragement for when her computer is working once again. We love you, Alison!Hi Michele,I can’t write my blog tonight. I think my laptop has a virus or…
Common Ground
This morning is actually Tuesday. It’s a cool, quiet morning… the kind that lends itself to some introspection. Mike, Shelby and I will be headed to the mountains in 2 days, to explore the Smokies and watch the Eclipse. Service down there will be sketchy, hence the early writing time this week. Maybe it’s the trip coming up, or my friend…
Look Up
It is so very difficult trying to explain to someone who doesn’t know – what Soaring Spirits International and their biggest program, Camp Widow -means to me. Camp Widow is something that you simply cannot comprehend until you have been there inside the environment. And yet, nobody would want to be in the position to be able to attend, because that…
Two Buckets~
What I knew instinctively as soon as Chuck died, and what I knew I had to immediately institute with myself and my body language, my behavior, my thinking. Even though my brain was fogged with devastation. Grief is isolating. Do every damn thing you can so that you can’t, you don’t, isolate. Whether you want to or not. Don’t isolate. …
Her Song Lives On
Last week, I wrote about having a wonderfully ungraceful meltdown from trying to take on and figure out just a bit too much all at once in this new life of mine. In the past week, I’ve slowed WAY down. I’ve stopped making overwhelming to-do lists. I’ve let myself wander and enjoy things. I’ve gone for morning walks and tried to focus on…
On the Road Life and Loneliness~
Do you get lonely out on the road? That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love. The simple and quick answer is yes. It’s incredibly lonely. It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe. Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image…
Losing Pieces of You
When someone you love dies, you don’t lose them all at once. You lose them little by little. Breathe by breathe. Fragment by fragment. You lose them hour by hour. Minute by minute. Month by month. Year by lengthy year. It doesn’t happen all at once. It doesn’t ever NOT happen. Pieces of that person, that life, fall away as time goes…