I guess one of the most shocking aspects following Chuck’s death was the necessity to let go of relationships that had always seemed strong and secure. Or, if not strong and secure, at least managed. Family relationships, right? Seriously. It was brought home to me that a relationship that I’d thought was okay, and fairly honest, was toxic…
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Being Responsible for Our Joy
This past Friday, Mike left to go backpacking for the weekend. I was having a hard week, and Friday was no different. Feeling emotional, and just plain sad, for no apparent reason other than – I suppose – feeling weighed down by life. Mike’s felt the same lately. So I was really proud of him finally going on this trip for himself. Not something a…
Hiatus
So I moved back to my home state of Massachusetts at the end of last year, after 26 years in NYC, to finish writing my book, live with my parents temporarily, and get back on track financially, after 5 years of struggling pretty hard following the sudden death of my dear husband Don. Living with mom and dad at age 45 is sobering. It feels like…
Grace~
This picture expresses it all for me. Where I am in this widowed life. It was taken 3 years ago, but even then, without knowing….I was determined. Determined that Love must be bigger than the devastation. Determined that if I knew nothing else, if I remembered nothing else, I would know…
A Widow Summer~
How did I widow this summer? I was…I still am, til the middle of August…working at an opera camp in the Ozarks. Students come from around the world to perfect their art. Orchestra comes from around the world to play for the students when they present their operas. Staff brings their talents/gifts to teach and guide the students. Carmen. …
Grief Travels
Next week I am flying interstate to visit another widow who has become my grief sister. I have been so excited for this trip, and I still cannot wait to see her. But this morning when I woke, for the first time in a while, I woke full of fear. I woke and wished that John was coming with me. I wished I could join him. And for the most part since I…
What Remains
Filling in for Alison today…she will be back next week! ******************************** As a young woman entering into adulthood with lofty goals, sterling ideals, and great hope for the future I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad…
Meet Wendy and Ben
On April 8, 2015, the strong, steadfast, honourable, mighty, kind, dedicated-to-the-safety-of-the-country, 46 year young Ben Saint-Onge, known as “The Titan,” was told that he had cancer. A rare and incurable type of cancer that chooses it’s prey without rhyme or reason. Just bad luck, they say. You fucking think? Ben and I had shared…
Where Does It Go?
Where do they go? The memories that you shared with your partner, your person. The moments, that existed, only between you and he, that now exist, only inside your heart. That time, that place, that way he used to tilt his head to the side or fold his arms across his chest when he was looking at me like I was nuts. Or the way he…
Dusky Nights into Morning~
I am without him. I say this without pity. It’s more of a sense, even these 4 years later, of disbelief. It’s still surreal. Sometimes I imagine him as a hologram, striding towards me…Nights are for sleep but they are also when my mind opens up as my body strives to relax past the exhaustion of a day spent being present and open to life.
My Final Blog
For the past year I have been lucky enough to share my life and thoughts with you all. My time as come to end, another chapter finished. It has been a blessing to have the opportunity to write for such an amazing organization. And although the point may have been to help those getting through one of the hardest times of their life, this has really…
New Love, This Love
So, almost exactly 6 years after my husband’s sudden death, and after about 2 years of endless dating and even more endless heartache, I have met someone. Not just someone. THE one. Or, as Michele refers to love after loss: “my next great love.” He has finally arrived, and isn’t it about damn time? It is very early on in our relationship (2 weeks…