It is so very difficult trying to explain to someone who doesn’t know – what Soaring Spirits International and their biggest program, Camp Widow -means to me. Camp Widow is something that you simply cannot comprehend until you have been there inside the environment. And yet, nobody would want to be in the position to be able to attend, because that…
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Two Buckets~
What I knew instinctively as soon as Chuck died, and what I knew I had to immediately institute with myself and my body language, my behavior, my thinking. Even though my brain was fogged with devastation. Grief is isolating. Do every damn thing you can so that you can’t, you don’t, isolate. Whether you want to or not. Don’t isolate. …
Her Song Lives On
Last week, I wrote about having a wonderfully ungraceful meltdown from trying to take on and figure out just a bit too much all at once in this new life of mine. In the past week, I’ve slowed WAY down. I’ve stopped making overwhelming to-do lists. I’ve let myself wander and enjoy things. I’ve gone for morning walks and tried to focus on…
On the Road Life and Loneliness~
Do you get lonely out on the road? That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love. The simple and quick answer is yes. It’s incredibly lonely. It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe. Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image…
Losing Pieces of You
When someone you love dies, you don’t lose them all at once. You lose them little by little. Breathe by breathe. Fragment by fragment. You lose them hour by hour. Minute by minute. Month by month. Year by lengthy year. It doesn’t happen all at once. It doesn’t ever NOT happen. Pieces of that person, that life, fall away as time goes…
After Death Shockers~
I guess one of the most shocking aspects following Chuck’s death was the necessity to let go of relationships that had always seemed strong and secure. Or, if not strong and secure, at least managed. Family relationships, right? Seriously. It was brought home to me that a relationship that I’d thought was okay, and fairly honest, was toxic…
Being Responsible for Our Joy
This past Friday, Mike left to go backpacking for the weekend. I was having a hard week, and Friday was no different. Feeling emotional, and just plain sad, for no apparent reason other than – I suppose – feeling weighed down by life. Mike’s felt the same lately. So I was really proud of him finally going on this trip for himself. Not something a…
Hiatus
So I moved back to my home state of Massachusetts at the end of last year, after 26 years in NYC, to finish writing my book, live with my parents temporarily, and get back on track financially, after 5 years of struggling pretty hard following the sudden death of my dear husband Don. Living with mom and dad at age 45 is sobering. It feels like…
Grace~
This picture expresses it all for me. Where I am in this widowed life. It was taken 3 years ago, but even then, without knowing….I was determined. Determined that Love must be bigger than the devastation. Determined that if I knew nothing else, if I remembered nothing else, I would know…
A Widow Summer~
How did I widow this summer? I was…I still am, til the middle of August…working at an opera camp in the Ozarks. Students come from around the world to perfect their art. Orchestra comes from around the world to play for the students when they present their operas. Staff brings their talents/gifts to teach and guide the students. Carmen. …
Grief Travels
Next week I am flying interstate to visit another widow who has become my grief sister. I have been so excited for this trip, and I still cannot wait to see her. But this morning when I woke, for the first time in a while, I woke full of fear. I woke and wished that John was coming with me. I wished I could join him. And for the most part since I…
What Remains
Filling in for Alison today…she will be back next week! ******************************** As a young woman entering into adulthood with lofty goals, sterling ideals, and great hope for the future I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad…