I was struck, recently, as I perused join requests on a fb group I began a few months ago, for widows who live on the road, or camp. I vet each request to ensure that each woman meets the requirements for our particular group. Within the group, we discuss, not surprisingly, intensely emotional topics around widowhood, and the challenges of…
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The second one.
Holidays are always more intense. You notice the absence of your loved one even more. If this is your first Christmas without your spouse I’m truly sorry. If this is your tenth without your spouse I am still just as equally truly sorry. I remember my very First Christmas with Joey. We had been dating a few months and exchanged gifts on Christmas…
A Change in Christmas
So it’s Christmas again (well, Christmas Eve actually as I write this to you). Yet again, I’m here, like we all are, having to deal with it. I would describe my attitude towards Christmas these past 4 years as apathetic at best. The first year, I was terrified, having never before faced a Christmas without him. The entire week leading up to…
Christmas Is Christmas Again
Everyone is different, with this grief path. That is what we are all told. And it’s true. For example … Some may have chosen to call this a “grief journey.” I call it a path. Or a tsunami, when Im feeling very feisty. I hate the word journey. It doesn’t represent what this is. It sounds too clean. Too organized. Too fun. Almost…
Words in a Book, From the Grave~
St Thomas Aquinas said that Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility. It is therefore able to undertake all things. To hear your laugh again did wonders for my heart. I feel so deeply for you and want you to be as happy and fulfilled as you can be. I know that Betty…
You have a choice.
Life is not fair. Some of us get the short end of the stick. Some of us have Tragedy strike us but still see our blessings. Some of us get a perfect life and never any heartache. That’s not true at all everyone experiences some kind of loss, it’s a matter of opinion who has it worse. I have an uncle who has been widowed for 11 years. I see him a…
Longing Love
Love, I always believed it was the meaning of life. Are we here to simply wake up each day in routine or have we been programed to live this way? There is no thrill in living a ground hog day. Since December I’ve questioned often, why am I here? Is there a point to it all? Somewhat detached, I crave nourishment, love and excitement again.
Leaving
Today is Friday. On Wednesday, December 21st, just five short days from now, my brother and my mom will be driving to NY from Massachusetts, picking up a U-Haul to attach onto my brothers truck, showing up here to my apartment, packing up all my stuff, and me, and my two kitties – and driving back to Massachusetts. I will then be starting a new…
I wish I had of known,
I wish I had of known how bad it would really be. A warning that the one year mark would be one of the most painful days of my life. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy day, I tried to prepare for that day. I honestly didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. The fog of grief that had somewhat eased over the past few months returned instantly in full…
Oh, the Shame! On THEM~
It was disheartening this week to read of a widow sister who had received a nasty email from friends. Friends of her husband who became her friends also. She thought they were still friends after his death but their email made clear to her that they want nothing to do with her. She thrived on the drama of widowhood, they said, because of the…
Silver linings
Sometimes we have to sit back and do some serious reflecting. I am not by any meanings taking away from anyone’s pain. My pain is mine and it’s real. I’m dealing with the grief still of losing my husband while trying to raise four children. I am dealing with a medical condition that is never going to go away and could possibly wheelchair bound me.
Things That Haven’t Happened Yet
There are lots of things in my life that haven’t happened yet. Things that are on the verge of happening, hopefully. Things I am patiently, or impatiently, waiting on. Things that still need to marinate. Things that are still in development. Things that haven’t quite been defined. Things that have no guarantee of happening at all. Things…