Ok I admit it. I’ve been lying. Not really lying buuutttttt not telling the full truth. Because well, people look at me funny when I say, “I’m good!” “I’m doing well.” after they ask “How are you?” I interpret their look to mean “but she’s a widow.”While writing lately, I’ve stayed within the imaginary widow party lines…
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Friends
For those that really know me, they know how open I am in sharing that a huge percentage of the reason I am still here today, has been due to my friends.Before Michael was killed, my friendships were on a superficial level. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t have long-time friends, but the essence of who I was wasn’t truly understood.The only person…
the perfect father
Lately, Liv and I have been struggling. We have been fighting arguing about everything from whether she should brush her extremely knot-filled hair before departing for the day to whether older sisters are ‘allowed’ to speak to their younger brothers in a hatred filled voice to whether it is her job to clean up her mess. She claims that my…
i didn’t think about it
i thought about it from time to time, but i wasn’t sure i’d ever come across it again. i had a vague sense of where it was, but it’s not like i i really end up near this place all that often.so the memory could have remained just that. i’ve gone much further to find the places i’ve wanted to rediscover, and this one is so…
didn’t think about it
i thought about it from time to time, but i wasn’t sure i’d ever come across it again. i had a vague sense of where it was, but it’s not like i i really end up near this place all that often. so the memory could have remained just that. i’ve gone much further to find the places i’ve wanted to rediscover, and this one is so…
And Now for Something Completely Different
Some things remain unchanged for centuries, such as Stonehenge (my photo, two summers ago). Others change much more rapidly, such as myself (no photo, you’ve seen me before ;). I guess 4 and a half years isn’t a tiny bit of time, but in the framework of a lifetime, 4 years is pretty quick. I find it hard to believe how far I’ve come since November…
A Slow Fade ….
… is not what happens the day your soul mate dies. There’s nothing slow about the slamming shut of the door of your life. Your life as you knew it. Your “before” life. Your future as you dreamed it. The door slams shut. All light is snuffed out. Literally. You are thrust into a very, very dark, very cold place.No …. not slow at all. But…
Guess Who is Coming to Dinner?
I don’t know why, but when I sat down to write this post, I thought of this title. Recently I was asked to be a guest blogger here on Widow’s Voice, so here I am. This new world that I have become a part of is very strange. Sometimes I feel like my new peer group should be called something darker, like Knights of the Darkness, or The Left Behind.
Dark Nights of the Soul
Warning: This post may be unsettling to many. It was written 8 days ago. I thought about it today. And yesterday And actually been thinking about it for 5 days straight. Considering different ways to do it. Quick, painless ways to do it.I’ve been thinking about killing myself. The fact that I am writing about this means, I think….I am working…
Blind
This post is from May 8, 2009, just 22 days after Art died. Recently I needed to go back, to see how far I’d come. I’ve been blind to the changes — the small little changes like that I can remember to order shoes, and that today is hot lunch day at camp each thought within 10 seconds of each other. This daily action of putting one foot in front of…
Embrace
“I don’t understand what’s happened to me?” “It’s huge. You’ve finely embraced the life you hadn’t planned on.” This quote from a movie just keeps echoing in my brain.I’ve noticed that, with quotes and words…they have a way of sticking to the sides of your mind during different parts of our life. Some temporarily to help you get through the day…
….by the way
I am seeing all sorts of old and familiar faces since we moved back to my hometown. It’s been great getting reacquainted with now-grown children of my youth. We discuss how the town has changed. That the one stop light in town is no longer the one stop light in town. Gossip about the nastiest boy in our class has changed and where he is now.I find…