I have to remind myself, as many of us do, I expect, that this widowhood is, as I learned in AA, a matter of progress, not perfection. Because I, for one, consistently seem to expect more of myself than is realistic. By which I mean, I continually scan my body and mind and heart to see where I am in this grief and why I’m not further along, even…
hospice
This Seemingly Never-ending Road~
Is it just me? I wonder, even as I know it isn’t just me. Logically and because I literally know otherwise, it isn’t just me. There’s a boat load of men and women through time immemorial who have lived this shit that I’m living, that we’re all living. And yet, my brain doesn’t let up about it.Why are you still so traumatized, Alison?…
On Being Cherished…and Kissed…
I was cherished in this life. Cherished by a man who determined, from the time of meeting, that I was the one for him. Cherished by a man who set out to show that love to me each and every day of our lives together, in word and deed.This is the time, 3 years ago, that my beloved husband, Chuck, and I, began, so very unknowingly, our final 2 months…
The Never-Ending Dance~
It is commonly understood, or acknowledged, that there is time and possibility for goodbyes when a person is terminally ill, as opposed to when there is a sudden death. I used to believe that.Yes, the words might be whispered from one to the other on a deathbed, or they might be breathed into the ears of the one you love as your hands clasp, but…
The Lovely Dance of Grief~
Tuesdays used to be only about writing my WV blog. Now they’re also about my EMDR sessions, so please bear with me as my brain and heart work overtime.Who knew that guilt could beat so strongly in me? Me, who loved my husband Chuck dearly, me who showed that love to him continually? He knew I loved him and told me frequently how much that…
Holding on Tightly~
In my heart, I’m carrying all the trauma from those 3 weeks when I went into auto pilot, (as we all do at such a time). Those 3 weeks where I was as present as could be to the best of my abilities as he and I said our goodbyes and my heart broke into pieces that were so huge and so small that they became invisible shards, but 3 weeks where I…