I’ve been glancing at David’s journal for the past week. It sits on a special bookshelf in our living room. I used to read it every night before my pathetic attempt at sleep but it’s been a while since I’ve opened the pages. This small, brown, soft leather journal is eminently special to me. His hands have touched every page of the tattered book,…
Widowed
I Can’t Think About Him ….
….for very long. I find that it’s emotionally and physically impossible for me to sit and just think about Jim. I cannot reflect on memories. Not yet. I can only think of him in snatches of time. And only for a moment. I wonder if this is how most people deal with grief?If I sit and think about him for more than a moment then I feel myself…
Contentment: Again with the Happy Place?
This picture is a narrow, winding street in the village of Stamford, England. It’s a gorgeous town of stone buildings, quaint shops, quiet pubs, and lovely sheep fields. I’ve more than a few memories of the place. I’m not thinking about the little town though as I look at this photo. I’m entranced by the path the road is portraying, and I’m…
The Widow Language
This is me with our awesome Thursday girl (Nicole), and our amazing Saturday girl (Taryn). We met for sushi in Texas last January, and spent some time together talking widow. Yes, I do think there is a widow language!When you speak widow you avoid the phrase, “How are you?” Conversing in widow never requires full sentences. If tears spring up…
Choosing Hope
“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve There was a time, not really that long ago, when I did not want to choose hope. Possibility was a word that applied to other people, so why would I care about hope?To take that thought a step farther, hope seemed to be a betrayal. What could I hope for? Healing, ugh. Happiness, not…
Bring It on Year 3!!
So the 2 year mark has come and passed. In one 24 hour period I am starting on another year in this new world I live in. As the angelversary arrives people always seem to ask how I’m doing (Go figure), then the day arrives and it seems as if it was the build up to the day which was the worse. Then the day comes, and it seems like any other day in a…
My Cat Sophie
Every day I get up at 5 AM, put on my bathrobe and head to the kitchen where I make my first cup of good, strong, coffee. Cup in hand, I return to my bed, slide between the covers and sip, doing my best to make my coffee last as long as possible. I love this time of day. It feels decadent to do nothing but ponder the hours ahead. Now that it is…
To Survive…
It feels as though it doesn’t take much to get me tired these days. I could be doing the same tasks I did before, only now, it takes everything out me. I’m exhausted to the core. Emotionally, I’m fine. Physically, I’m spent. I wonder if it’ll always be like this… If it’ll always take quadruple the strength to get through a day and all that it…
Just thinking ….
Hi everyone! It’s good to be back and I’m thankful to Colleen for taking over for me while I was gone. Interestingly enough, she and I share the same anniversary. It was my second without Jim and I’m not gonna lie…. it was tough. But I’m still here. And that’s something.Anyway….. I was just writing to a friend and we were both talking about…
An Opportunity to be…
Grayson and I watched the movie “Evan Almighty” this weekend. I’ve seen it once before, but a certain scene really struck me this time. Morgan Freeman, as God, is explaining to a woman how prayers work. “If you pray for patience, God does not GIVE you patience, but gives you the OPPORTUNITY to be patient.” I went to bed with thoughts of my own…
Worth
On May 29th my little girl graduated from High School. The ceremony took place in a beautiful garden with an audience full of proud family and friends and an air of hope for the future all around. My mind drifted back to a time in my own life when naivety and optimism were companions I knew well.As with most milestones post 8/31/05 there was a…
Changing Perspective
There is a Fleetwood Mac song called “Say Goodbye,” that has broken my heart repeatedly over the last four years. I have found the concept of saying goodbye to Phil so difficult that I have avoided it like the plague since he died. You see, there are still speed bumps on this road of grief that I have yet to cross over.Phil and I were blissfully…