Its “RUOK?” day in Australia today. I wrote this on my blog as an initial gut response to some facebook “friends” who flippantly asked me the question in a facebook message….. RUOK is a great concept … for other people. But if someone asks me today, I may slap them.I. Am. Not. OK. And asking me will not make me OK. and if I am not OK I will not…
Widowed
Maybe It’s Just The Week ….
…. that is causing so many of us to feel so many more emotions right now? I don’t know. I still don’t know how this grief thing works. Or, more pointedly, how it doesn’t work. All I do know is that it sucks.It sucks that Dan’s “date” was yesterday (I just can’t use the word “anniversary” to describe the annual reminder of such a horrific day). It…
Virtual Hugs
This is for you Dan, and everyone else who is needing a little something extra today to remind them that they can survive this. I’m sending out a big fat virtual hug. Love to you Dan as you reflect on this day and miss Michael. Love to us all, we deserve it.”When the walls fall all around you, when your hope has turned to dust, let the sound of…
Sending out an SOS
I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. But I’m falling apart here at work. I need to express myself without speaking, as I am unable to speak without tears. Heavy tears. I came into work today expecting it to be like any other day. I am a family court counselor, and I meet with parents to help them reach agreements regarding the custody of…
UnHappy Anniversary
Not sure where to begin. It’s definitely a time of reflection. Tomorrow, Tuesday, will be two years. What is appropriate for a two year anniversary? The first year is paper. Last year at this time I was …wait a minute. Don’t you usually ‘celebrate’ anniversaries? Seems like the two words, anniversary and celebration, go hand in hand.Yesterday for…
9-11
9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11 It’s everywhere. I, like the rest of the country I suspect, am afraid to write the wrong thing, aware that I do not know what it’s like…And that is where I stop myself. I do know what it’s like.I do know what it feels like in the dark hollowness that filled the first months. I do know the effort it takes to place…
Moments
They happen…sometimes more than I think I can handle. Those moments where it feels like I’m in a well, with all the walls caving in on me. The sad thing is I see it when I’m being lowered down….like the bucket on the rope. I anticipate what will happen and still am lowered further and further down…feeling as if there is no one at the top to…
Death is not a 4 letter word
In preparation for my son’s first day of Kindergarten today, I attended an interview with his teacher yesterday. It mostly entailed questions of, “Can he tie his shoes?”, “Does he feel shy in new situations?” and “Can he wipe his own bottom?” At the end of our little meeting, his teacher asked about his special interests. I listed off his favourite…
Scared
This past week has been tough. Really tough. I was doing OK for a long while, surviving birthdays, parties and mother’s day … but this past week has brought me crashing down with a thud.There are many reasons for this – my son’s upcoming “procedure” and the worry over his ongoing health, my sister-in-law having some very scary health…
It’s Not My Fault ….
…. that my children became orphans on December 18, 2007. OK, they didn’t literally become orphans. But technically …. they did. They lost both of their parents that day. Yes, I was here in body, but only in body. My body was empty of any resemblance of me. All it held was the cold, black grief that enveloped every part of me …. grief moved…
Breaking the News
I find I’m still reflecting on my experiences from Widow Camp. In those few short days I feel like I moved forward leaps and bounds down the healing path simply by being surrounded by others who share similar past experiences. The friendships I made there still stand and the conversations haven’t stopped. The reward has been well beyond the…
Sitting
I struggle to find something of substance to talk about. Each Sunday comes around, and the awareness that my post is due by midnight is always on my mind. Usually there is something that I have been mulling over throughout the day, or something that has been with me throughout the week, that quickly becomes my post. Today I just feel empty.I’m not…