I have been working really hard at being upbeat and positive this Christmas. I consciously remind myself of the wonderful things in my life – amazing kids, great friends, a rewarding job, an amazing community, etc. I don’t want to whine. I certainly don’t wish to have others internally groan and roll their eyes if I talk about how lame the holidays…
Widowed Suddenly
How Can I Ensure That December ….
…. is a month to remember? Truth be told, it wasn’t all that difficult. All I did was agree to have surgery today. And then, to make it even MORE memorable …. I agreed to have my middle son’s wisdom teeth extracted. Today. Yes, as in …. today, the 14th of December ….. both procedures. I guess that’s one way to ring in the “death day” of my…
Fairy Tales
Michael’s my prince charming. He saved me from the poisoned apple, kissed me out of an eternal sleep, slayed the dragon, and swept me up into his safe arms. And as soon as I was swept up, I felt like he was pulled away from me. But, I still believe in fairy tales. It has been through my fellow widows; their stories, pictures, memories and…
All I Want for Christmas
Anyone who reads this knows what each and every one of us would like for Christmas if we could have whatever we wanted….We also know that’s an impossibility. We could sit and count every moment that we are missing our love. Every scenario that lacks our spouse. Every tradition that falls flat without their presence. Or we can try to find the glow…
Tis the Season ….
…. to be jolly. Ho, ho ….. oh whatever. I mostly loathe this Season. I really do. And that ticks me off. Because I didn’t “before”. I loved Christmas and everything it entails. It was a wonderful time of the year for me spiritually, emotionally …. the older kids came home from college for several weeks, and physically …. loved the parties,…
Wake me up when December ends
It’s December 1, 2011. I bought a new car today. My very first new car ever. The very first car I have bought all by myself. Something bright and shiny and new to replace the old and falling apart, frustrating and faded. I should feel happy. But I don’t.I am gripped by the worst grief I have felt in months. “A new car – you are so lucky”…
Learn
It starts with words. Then numbers. Your shoe laces. Sentences. Driving. Kissing. Love. Death. The things we learn in the earliest of ages can sometimes make us nostalgic. To have no worries but to learn what 1 + 2 equals. To clean your room. To use stick shift.Then life happens and adds dimension and layers you could have never imagined. The warm,…
the unhelpful helper
When I first became a widow, I wanted everyone to go away. I did not want to talk, discuss, be comforted, or hear anyone. I found everything overwhelming and the need to communicate with others verbally was not at all on the list of desired actions. I was annoyed by the needs of others. Their want to know I was okay or that the kids were…
Is There a Statute of Limitations ….
…. on now long Jim will remain on so many mailing lists? Because …. really?! It’s been 4 years. Well, Three years and 11 months, but who’s counting? Besides me? I don’t think there’s a day that goes by without getting something in the mail that’s addressed to him. And mostly, it’s just junk mail. And I get that. I really do. Because…
Chapter Two
I now divide my life into two chapters. Chapter one began when I met Dave. My life path suddenly became clear with him. I felt really safe and loved for the first time. My grades in college improved, the lifelong battle I’d had with insomnia disappeared. I moved across the country to be with this man who turned my world around. We spent…
Weird
I’d be lying if I said I miss being weird…I still am and will always be. But oh…how I miss being weird with him. Not so much weird with him, but ourselves completely. I impressed him with my Gallum impersonation. He impressed me with his Chewbacca roar. He spent his lunch breaks watching Star Trek Next Generation, and loved that I collected…
a blessing for all things
The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings. — Henry Ward Beecher I have found that at times, I am a whiny, ungrateful little sap. I moan at life’s injustice and cry out at the lot I have been given. I beat my fists against fate and want to scream when I hear “It happened…