I found myself thinking about time recently. About time with Jim. Past time. I thought that I wish I could have bottled up certain times in our life together so that I’d still have them. The bottles would sit up on the shelves along with our photo albums. Any time that I found myself missing him (and when did I not?) I could open up a bottle, take…
Widowed and Healing
Time to Be
I had some time this weekend – me time. Me and Michele time if I’m completely truthful, but it was me time just the same. A couple of days with no cares in the world. This weekend it all came together. A sudden realization that the opportunity was there and so was the free airline ticket. The last minute recruitment of a fabulous Grandma to take…
I’m OK?
Today looked like this…. I got up. I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor. I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away. I drove giggling…my lateness, some things never change.I didn’t know anyone in the class. I didn’t feel like knowing anyone from the class. At the class, I didn’t eat the granola bar,…
Ain’t No Love
Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert, I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs. This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back, telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by…
It’s No Longer the First Thing …..
…. that I think of in the morning. It occurred to me the other day …. that my first thought in the morning is no longer ….. “Jim is dead”. In fact, my first thought now isn’t even about Jim. This realization gives me mixed feelings. I feel happy that grief doesn’t occupy my every thought now. But I also feel sad …… that it doesn’t.I know…
Me and Betsey
I don’t do lawns. There are many jobs I have tackled to prove that I am a strong, capable woman, but lawn mowing has never been one of them. Growing up my brothers mowed the lawn, after I married my husband mowed the lawn, and after he died the lawn took on a life of its own. Because who the heck was going to mow it now??This was a very serious…
What Has Endured
Before my husband Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about…
Sure of You
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh?’ he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’” -A.A. Milne I’d be lying if there weren’t moments where I begged for a sign, dream, feeling that you were here…around.Like a detective I’d search for clues or…
lost and found
I often can’t help but thinking that I have mourned each facet of the loss of my love at least once. Each sad thought, each emotion explored or mulled over for its’ initial contemplation. I feel that often times, I am going over previously pondered thoughts and ruminating. Picking apart and reassembling.When I find a grief spot that I had not…
I Will Survive ….
….. even though it did take two years for me to believe it. I will. …. even though it took two years for me to want to. I will….. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m knocked down by an unexpected wave. I will. …. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m angry at Jim for leaving (yes, it’s irrational, of…
Owning My Path
“As a widow you will learn that the only choice that ultimately brings peace is walking the path of grief that has your name on it. The only way to walk with grief is to meet it head on and know that those who have walked before you have survived.” ~Linda Perrone RooneyI found this quote over the weekend, and instantly wanted to share it with all…
deux ans
Deux ans. Two anniversaries of the day I lost my huge, hairy and hilarious husband. I’ve learned so very much in these two short years. A lifetime of lessons. Lessons I didn’t really want to know.I now know that although I did not think in those first few hours, days and months, that I would survive, I did. I breathed each breath with a sob. I…