People often ask me if I believe in God. Yes. I do believe in God. But, my definition of what God is or what God means is probably very different than yours. Its certainly not traditional, and it doesn’t involve going to Sunday School or attending church, or not eating meat on Fridays, or reading a Bible or other book of faith, or…
The Silent Missing
Oh, the sadness of October. My wedding anniversary. Followed by our honeymoon anniversary, just days later, and then Don’s birthday, just days into that. October 27th we married. In 2006. Its toward the end of the month, and its true what they say. The build-up to these milestone days, is often worse than the actual day itself. …
Celebrating With You
On Sunday, September 30th, I hosted a huge Book Launch Party Celebration in NYC, at West Side Comedy Club. A few years ago, when I was beginning to write this epic love and loss story book about the life and death of my husband, I did a fundraising campaign where lots of great people donated to help make my book happen. One of the things I promised…
Beneficiary
All it took was one text. One little text for my heart to do flipflops, and to feel nauseous. Anxiety, panic, and fear set in. All the voices from grief’s terror chamber, emerged. Earlier this morning … “Hey Baby. I need your SS# so I can make you my Emergency Contact, and make you the beneficiery for life insurance, etc.” My…
PROOF
Is Don proud of me? People always tell me that Don would be proud of me. Its a nice thought. I hope its true. I really, truly hope that its true. But how can I know? I want proof. I want evidence that he is proud. Concrete evidence. Or when I say, That I wish he knew about such and such, that just happened in my life, and someone always…
Coffee With the Wind
Our cats are still here. They still sit in your recliner chair, and fight, and sleep, and Autumn still attacks Sammy for no reason. Im still watching the US Open. By myself. Roger Federer lost in a huge upset the other day, and Nadal won in an epic match that didnt end until 230 in the morning. I actually reached over to my phone to text or…
Happy 66th Wedding Anniversary, Betty!
Those were the words that echoed throughout the pool at the YMCA this morning, as we were just finishing up our high-impact water aerobics class. There were about 15 of us in the class, of varying ages and circumstances, and one of the older ladies walked up and whispered something into the instructor’s ear. After she did, the instructor reached…
How Is This My Life?
Today I went to the post office to send off multiple copies of the book that I wrote about my husband’s sudden death, our love story, and my life in the aftermath. Then I went to the YMCA and took another pool / water aerobics class, followed by physical therapy for my neck and shoulders because I developed arthritis and bone spurs in my neck due…
Working It Out
So, for the 457,000th time in my life, I have recently added exercise to my “trying to get healthier ” life routine. i joined the YMCA, and I have been taking classes, mostly in the pool. Water Zumba, water aerobics, water weights, things like this. It is actually a pretty damn good workout, and at the end of the hour-long class, I am totally wiped…
It’s Not Guilt, It’s Sadness
So it’s been 7 years since my beautiful husband left for work one morning, and never came home. Seven years since his shocking and sudden death. Seven years of living this life in the “after” of painful and life-changing loss. It’s a long time, and it isn’t. It’s forever, and it’s also ten seconds. In all of this time living with the death of my…
A Normal Day
Sometimes, I long for a normal day. I no longer have normal days. I no longer have what most people would consider to be a normal day. Today, I woke up, and went to my 2x per week physical therapy appointment for my arthritis and bone spurs in my neck, resulting from hours and weeks and months and years of sitting and typing furiously, this…
Weightless
I just returned from my 500 billionth Camp Widow. Okay, I’m exagerating, but not by much. Besides, I lost count long ago on how many times I have been honored to be a presenter at this amazing healing place called Camp Widow. July 13th was the 7-year mark of Don’s death. Camp Widow began on July 13th. Friday the 13th. Nothing incredibly weird…