As a widowed person, I sometimes feel as if I’m been convicted of something. Perhaps I did something wrong, and I just dont remember. Being widowed is sort of like having to plead your case, take the Fifth, plead insanity, to a Jury of your “peers”, over and over and over Again. For some reason, when you become widowed, people seem to…
Irrelevant
This past weekend was Camp Widow Toronto. I went there on a 9 hour car ride from Massachusetts, with me and 3 other people. We had an unforgettable experience. We met new friends, and reunited with old ones. We had moments of healing, and moments of helping heal others. We ate yummy food. We laughed without apology. And cried without shame.
Toronto Bound ….
It is now Wednesday evening, late. Close to midnight I guess. By the time you read this, it will be Friday sometime. That is my scheduled time to write each week, so this will be pre-set to publish on that day. I will be in Toronto, Canada, attending and presenting at Camp Widow. There wont be much time to get online or to write blogs. So…
Life Goes On
Awhile back, pretty early on in my loss, I remember some person responding to my utter turmoil, deep grief, and endless sobbing fits, with this gem: “Well, life goes on!” In that moment, I can recall feeling and thinking several things. A: Fuck you. B: Yeah, no shit. Tell me something I dont already know, you condescending ass. C: How DARE…
A Widow Wedding Anniversary
It has been six years since my husband’s sudden death. Next week, October 27th, is my wedding anniversary. Again. It will be my seventh time going through our wedding anniversary without him here. It will be our “would have been 11 years” anniversary. I don’t feel comfortable saying “it’s our 11 year anniversary.” Because it’s not. …
Word Jumble
Days like today. All is fine. I have not much to say. Birds are singing, sun is bright, autumn has brought her glory. Im not feeling particularly sad. Im in love. Finally. Life is life again, and Im not just existing, anymore. But when I sit here and force myself to think, about what Im going to write about, all the feelings come,…
Moment of Silence for Football Widows ….
Every single year, at this time of the year and until the conclusion of football season in February with the Superbowl, millions of women, and in few cases, men, all over America, suffer alone. Their suffering is so great, that they take their plight to the masses; posting all over social media about how they will once again be a football…
I Get It Now, and I’m Sorry
Lately, I have been finding myself in situations that I have been in before, except this time, Im in the situation as the other person, and the other person is my forever dead husband. The other night, I found myself sitting in his recliner chair, and talking to him in a whisper, which I do from time to time, and I was saying: “I get it now. And…
The Echo
So, I apoligize ahead of time for the sheer laziness of this, but my brain cannot think of even ONE thing to say today, and so I figured a good thing to do would be to re-post a poetry piece that I posted in here a couple of yearss ago. It is ssomething I think will resonate always, that feeling of that empty space where they used to be , and how…
Counting Life
Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary. 3 months ago yesterday, I chose love again. 3 months ago yesterday, I let love in. 3 months ago yesterday, I faced the terror that I could very well lose this person that I love all over again, and I decided that loving him was worth that pain. 3 months ago yesterday, I began my next great love…
Anxiety
This new version of life. This life that exists in the now. The one where my husband, is no longer my husband, by law. Because he is dead. And you can’t be married to a dead person. By law. You might still FEEL married, like I did, for almost 4 years, after his death. You might feel as if even looking at another man is…
Everything and Nothing
It’s one of those days where my thoughts are everywhere, nowhere, and make no sense. Just a jumble of strange randomness. The kind of thoughts where you can’t sleep, because you can’t stop thinking. But you don’t really know what on earth you are thinking about. Everything and nothing. That’s what I’m thinking about.I miss my husband,…