Lately I have been thinking a lot about where I have been, where I am going.. and how lucky I am. I can’t help but think about my husband. About how he didn’t realize how lucky he was. I know he had no idea how much he would be missing out on by choosing to leave this life.I don’t think he had the slightest idea of how much LIFE he…
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My life is much different from many of my loved ones. I find myself traveling 1/3 of the year. I happily sleep with two (furry) men each night I’m home. No one gets on my back for the dishes sitting in the sink a bit too long or the dirty clothes on the floor.I thoroughly enjoy my solitude (i.e. meditation, reading, playing fetch, watching…
Running
I never really liked running. Never really saw the point. For exercise? Sure, but I’d much rather play a sport or go swimming or do just about anything other than feel the pounding of my flattened and worn-out feet, screaming for mercy against the hot and unforgiving pavement. Or feel my knees hurting and buckling and cracking with each breath,…
Less than a decade, more than a lifetime.
It’s always been a hard reality for me to swallow that I never got a full decade with Jeremy. Something about that round number made me feel even more like I got robbed. I started dating Jeremy shortly after I turned 20. He died when I was 28 – I never got to celebrate turning 20 or 30 with him. Just inside a decade.A few weeks ago, Jeremy and I…
When One Door Closes ……
…… it sometimes slams right in your face. Some doors are like that. They suddenly slam shut with so much force that you’re knocked backwards. The door on my “before” life shut like that. Suddenly. Surprisingly. Furiously. Permanently. Other doors close very slowly. You can tell that they’re closing, but it’s such a slow process that you…
Why This is YOUR Fault
Like many of you, last week I read a facebook post by the fabulous Michele in which she confessed to being irritate with her dead husband (not her lovely, living one….) Went for a run this morning, and my legs were feeling heavy and slow. Phil is never far from my mind when I run (especially in August), and as I struggled with the miles I…
I Remember
I have plunged back into the cold, dark, hopeless place I felt buried in the first few weeks/months after Dave died. I’ve been struggling to eat, sleep, clean up after myself, and find comfort in anything. Everything feels like sandpaper against raw nerve endings. I can’t stand to be alone. I need help. I’ve reached out. I’ve especially sought out…
Not Enough
Since my husband’s suicide in July 2010, I have struggled with feeling likeI was not enough. I was not enough to keep my husband alive. I have felt that if I was a better friend, a better wife, a better support system, my husband would still be alive.Realizing that sometimes love is NOT enough.. is devastating. What happened to all…
Clarity
“Peace and clarity is not to be learned by flight from the world, or by running away from things, or by turning solitary and going apart from the world. Rather, we must learn an inner solitude wherever or with whomsoever we may be.” -Meister EckhartIt keeps happening. Just when I feel that I not only have seen and entered the light from…
Let the New Life Begin
So much has happened in such a small amount of time that my head is spinning even as I type. I now live in downtown Austin with cars and people and dog walking and concrete which, for a country boy, is quite the change. I have a new job that’s challenging, engaging and, quite frankly, fun. Life is completely different than just a few weeks…
Home Sweet Home
Well, things around here never seem to quite slow down. And lately, in particular, they’ve sped up into super speed! Steve accepted a new job position in Parkersburg, West Virginia. Oh, and we move next week! We are taking a ride on the crazy train and loving every minute of it. Well….almost every minute.While I am thrilled for this new…
Going Back To My “Before” ……
…… and explaining my “After”. This past weekend I went back to my home town for a party. It was a mini-reunion of sorts. Several people from our high school class came, as well as others from a couple of other years …… and several spouses. I loved high school …… most of it anyway.. I don’t know any teenager who loves all of it.