It is Anneke’s ‘Sweet Sixteen’ today. On the one hand, I can’t really believe this day has arrived and her father is still gone. Like somehow, at some point he should have walked in the front door and with little fanfare saying “I’m back.” It has been 8 plus years. She has been without him longer than she had him. I should know better…
Widowed Parenting
The self-centeredness of grief.
Dear Wonderful Widows. Grieving is a self-centered act. It must be. It requires paying attention to one’s own broken heart, taking the time needed to adjust to a very different existence, and learning to live in a changed world. Grieving requires self-care. This is especially true for widows with children. We eventually find that the only way our…
Worth
On May 29th my little girl graduated from High School. The ceremony took place in a beautiful garden with an audience full of proud family and friends and an air of hope for the future all around. My mind drifted back to a time in my own life when naivety and optimism were companions I knew well.As with most milestones post 8/31/05 there was a…
Finding Our Way
(Editor’s note: Janine will be away for the next two weeks and we are happy to welcome visiting contributor Colleen Phillips as our Wednesday blogger in her absence. Thanks Colleen!) A warm hello. Since Rory died almost 5 years ago, it seems as if we have been trying to find our way, figure things out and be a family of “2”. Ryan, my son, had…
Celebrating Moms
Sports practices, music lessons, school meetings, homework, school projects, dinner every night, getting multiple children to different locations at the same start time, crying for daddy, asking where he went, consoling, advising, figuring out what the best solution to the problem is when you only have one opinion to consider….any of this sound…
Wonderful Widows, What are you choosing?
Dear Wonderful Widow. For the next 3 weekends, three performances per weekend, Anneke, my 15 year-old, will be playing the part of Wendy Darling in Peter Pan. Anneke is afraid of heights. Flying across the stage requires that she put a great deal of trust in the backstage crew who orchestrate her flying. This is not easy for her. Anneke has chosen…
Regrets?
I’ve been thinking about regrets a lot lately. Not about Jim and me. No way. He knew that he was seriously loved and adored …… as did I. I have no regrets about us and our marriage, other than it wasn’t long enough ….. not by a long shot. This past weekend was our youngest child’s (Son #3) Confirmation. This was our first…
A Widow’s Brain….
Dear Wonderful Widows! When Anneke was eight, a year after Mike died, I dropped her off at her Tae Kwon Do lesson and I was so relieved to have time alone that I forgot to pick her up. Forty-five minutes later as I unpacked the groceries she walked in the house having gotten a ride home from her instructor. She was incredulous and outraged. “You…
My Circle …
This picture is from our last vacation …. we went to Alaska in June of 2007. Jim died in December, 5 months later. I love this picture because it really “shows” us. We didn’t know it was being taken and were just enjoying some quiet time together. We held hands …. all of the time. I hate how empty my hand feels now. And this is the…
What My Kids Have Taught Me
There is not much I wouldn’t do for my three kids. You know, jump in front of an on-coming train to save their lives, feed them first from my last ration of bread, offer myself as a meal for the hungry bear that is chasing them…pretty much anything. In the normal course of life moms feed, bathe, clothe, soothe, encourage, celebrate, hold, hug,…
Birthday Thoughts
Tomorrow is Daniel’s 39th birthday. I haven’t seen him since he was 35, and that thought surprises me in a way that seems ridiculous. I know he’s been gone three and a half years, but not seeing him since he was 35? “Inconceivable!” The passage of time is a mystery to me. There are moments when it seems like he just left, and others when it feels…
The Ongoing Challenges of the Only Parent
I think one of the bigger adjustments of all of my big adjustments to widowhood was the status as Only Parent. Only Parent is different from single parent in some situations, although very similar in lots of ways. I think one of the biggest differences is in the filling out of forms. Those damn forms. You know, the ones that say: married, single,…