March 1 will mark 2 years since my beautiful life ended.The life I loved.The life where my best friend did everything with me.The life where beautiful things were abundant and not edged with sadness. The life where I felt safe and loved and content and happy.Two years since that awful day. Last year, there were lots of people around me on that…
Widowed Parenting
A Dog Eat Dog World
Who do I complain to about the discrepancy of dog years compared to human years? I want to know the person in charge who came up with the math of 7 years of a dog’s life is equal to 1 year of a human’s life. I’m confused by acceleration of dog time; I’ve watched a dog for an entire day. He gets up, goes outside to the bathroom –…
Judgements
can’t believe she’s staying in that big house. Surely she’d be better to move to something smaller without all those memories.I can’t believe she won’t write in that journal I gave her. She should write her memories down. You’d think she owes Greg that much. (I do write them down … but not to share in that journal).Why isn’t she dating? She’s…
Spider Cracks
It’s almost midnight and she lies in a hospital bed at the all-too-familiar emergency room. Tears emerge as the nurse pushes the needle into her arm – in order to find a “good” vain for the IV. This is the nurse’s second attempt, the first one only producing a puncture that will be sore for days. I stand hopeless next to the bed,…
I Am Not a Mind Reader
…. and I don’t really think I want to be.But it would certainly make some things easier …. relationships, for instance. I wouldn’t have to guess what a certain word is supposed to mean …. or a certain look ….. or the raise of an eyebrow. I wouldn’t have to wonder if all men like this, or hate that ….. or if all widows feel this, or…
Grief Vs Depression
I have been involved in an argument on facebook about “grief” this afternoon (very mature, I know – there were some classic lines that I should send Supa for “shit-people-say-to-widows”).But it actually turned out to be a misunderstanding where the other person had confused grief with depression.To me, grief is something that I live with…
Remembrance Candle
I know the holidays are way over, but I wanted to share a Christmas experience I had with my children, when we lit a candle in remembrance of Lisa. The monthly grief group my girls and I attend has a holiday service where the family lights a candle for the person we are remembering. Our family was not able to make the event this year, but a one…
Crocodiles and other absurdities
I live in our little house physically alone aside from my two young children and our pets. All the belongings in this home are ours and paint a vivid and accurate picture of who is housed within these walls. But if you were to dig deep enough within cupboards and closets, you would items and articles that seemed at odds with these inhabitants and…
Of All The Feelings in The World ….
…. I hate rage the most.Or at least it’s in the top 3.Pity might be number 1.It’s an exhausting emotion and it leads people to make very bad, very poor choices while they are in it. And you mostly feel worse afterwards. Rage has been a regular visitor at my house over the last 2 weeks.I will not bore you with all of the horrid “teenage vs.
Candle-light
I was blind-sided by grief a few times yesterday…..that intense feeling that someone is missing…..that subconscious lightening in my heart when I thought I caught a glimpse of him in the shed before I remembered…..looking at my kids who aren’t supposed to be growing up without their Daddy.I was tired and feeling overwhelmed at the amount of…
Aging Gratefully
Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old, three years older than Phil was when he died six years ago (crazy to think he would be 46 right now!). My first birthday without him I remember wishing time could just stand still. I didn’t want to age without him;I didn’t want to celebrate being alive with birthday songs and presents; and I didn’t want to…
Is It Just Me ….
…. or does anyone else ever feel like moving away and starting over? From everyone that knew them “before” …. and from all of those friends who can’t seem to see you as anything but “different” ….. and it all seems to get worse as time goes on? I have now passed the 4 year mark. This is my life. I am no longer married. I am single. I get…