i bought a new refrigerator a couple of weeks ago to replace the one that had been fixed twice and was still leaking water all over my floor.a few days before it was delivered i looked at the old one and realized i needed to clean it. both the inside and the outside needed cleaning so i removed the photos, wedding invitations, recipes, and…
Widowed Emotions
Happy Mother’s Day?
Since Day 365 I have been haunted by Art. It’s like making it to that day I somehow expected that he’d show up at the door and yell “Just Kidding!” …at which point I would beat him to a pulp and then cover every bloody inch of him with kisses. After Day 367 that fact that he’s not coming back is more real, almost tangible. And it makes…
give me one reason
You know the term “It happened for a reason”? I hate it. I have used it myself. But I hate it. It seems to say that everything, good or bad, was supposed to happen to make way for some ‘better’ purpose. It’s sappy and it sucks. It’s almost up there with the “He’s in a better place”.With this rationale, maybe because Jeff died, a cherubic little one…
struggling
struggling. not sure why. somehow i got to thinking about the notes that liz used to write to me in the blank cards she used to buy.i think i have them all. or at the very least, most of them. can’t look at them yet. can barely stand to think about them. i will never see another. … she would come across them, months, years later (usually while…
Toasting Alone
Tonight I toasted my youngest son’s confirmation with me, myself, and I. The ceremony was really beautiful, we enjoyed a lively lunch with our family to celebrate, and at the end of the day I felt peaceful and content. So, I popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, and toasted to a joy filled day. As I poured my solo glass of bubbly, I laughed…
Avoiding
I’m avoiding… my bedroom, my pillow, my scrumptious flannel sheets (it’s been cold in LA) cause he’s in there, waiting for me and I don’t want to see him feel his emptiness, be held only by his memory.So I’m up. It’s one am. I will sleep less than 4 hours tonight and tomorrow I will continue running, avoiding, ducking, and running some more,…
hawaiian wedding part two
when it was time to get ready for the wedding. i’m of course going tie-less because i still don’t know how to tie one and my wife is no longer here to curse and assist me.we took our seat in the sun and as the bride started walking down the aisle, maddy started to squirm and make some noise. shit. we retreated and i kept one eye on maddy…
hawaiian wedding part one
on april 16th, i flew to the island of oahu with madeline. we were there to celebrate the wedding of one of liz’s best friends in the whole wide world, maleeda.all of her best friends from college were there. i was honored to be invited, but i anticipated it being a tough trip. we arrived and i was instantly transported back in time. i had been…
Day 365
Todaywasabeautiful day.I amhere.At day 365 not just standing but rooted grateful and joyful to take the next breath. The grief is not gone. Do not be fooled. It will lurk within me surface at unforgettable moments until I draw my last breath. But today T-O-D-A-Y I am grateful to Art. Grateful for the life we had together and grateful for all those…
Dating help from Jeff
I have realized through my recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating that I am most definitely not looking for Jeff. It is not that I am measuring how certain men stand up to the man that Jeff was. It’s that I am looking at them through not only my eyes, but Jeff’s as well.Yesterday, as I stood in line at the bank, I…
Time in a Bottle ….
I found myself thinking about time recently. About time with Jim. Past time. I thought that I wish I could have bottled up certain times in our life together so that I’d still have them. The bottles would sit up on the shelves along with our photo albums. Any time that I found myself missing him (and when did I not?) I could open up a bottle, take…
Time to Be
I had some time this weekend – me time. Me and Michele time if I’m completely truthful, but it was me time just the same. A couple of days with no cares in the world. This weekend it all came together. A sudden realization that the opportunity was there and so was the free airline ticket. The last minute recruitment of a fabulous Grandma to take…