I am standing, sobbing, in the parking lot of Costco in the arms of a strange man. The parking lot of Costco, my cart next to me. I am unable to find my car.It’s not my car, it’s the one I am borrowing. And when I left the store, striding like a woman who knows EXACTLY where she is going, I remembered what it looked like. But as I neared the row,…
Widowed by Illness
Pretty Good
Well, usually there is some drama or some burning question to discuss on a Tuesday….but so far, so good! What do I blog about when things are just pretty good? Nothing terrible to report this week, no self actualization, no amazing realizations…just normal life. I guess that is something, isn’t it?I think sometimes I get caught up doing…
A Toast
A peace settled around me this morning that muffled the noise of the day and left me smiling (except when I was trying to get the two kids out the door to pick up the third kid, so we could get the oldest kid to his concert on time) Photo above. “It is all good.” I kept thinking…and feeling. “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”15 years…
I Will Try to Fix You
I love this song and the message it holds. As long as I’m clear on what the word “fix” means to me in this concept. If “fixing” means that I am broken and someone has the magical fairy dust that will make me “happy” and make me “forget”, than I don’t like this song a bit. On the other hand if “fixing” means you will love me, accept me for who I am…
I’ve Got The Memories
From a song from the movie, Prince Caspian. I have heard it many times before.Tonight I HEARD it.i’ve got the memoriesalways inside of mebut i can’t go backback to how it wasi will leave nowi’ve come too farno I can’t go backback to how it wasooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooi’m moving forwardso every day startswith a magic sparki’ve got my hopes…
Making Memories (and a few cookies too!)
It’s that time of year. The time when everything takes on a rosy glow (when you stop rushing around long enough to notice the glow….). The time of year when people smile a bit more, say nicer things to each other, and we are, for just a few days, the people we strive less successfully to be the rest of the year round: generous in thought and…
Buoyancy
Buoyancy (defined) is the upward force that keeps things afloat. This force enables the object to float or at least seem lighter. “At least seem lighter…”I was thinking about Michele’s post from yesterday and this word kept sort of popping into my head. I have a number of people who help me stay afloat and I wouldn’t be here (or anywhere else for…
Counting
Day 42 I count …the days.I count to remind myself that I have only begun, that I am a newcomer to this kind of grief. I count the days to get me to the next one. Each time I count a day I tell myself that some day, when there are three or four numbers in that count, it will not hurt so deeply.I count the days to remind myself not to expect too…
Wading Through
So it’s been one of those weeks, filled with wonderful things: Widow’s Rock Austin was a great time, with some great widows and friends of widows (thanks to all who came!!) and we raised money for Camp Widow 2010 (yay!!!); my sister surprised me at Widow’s Rock – she flew in unexpectedly from England for the event and will stay for a week; Grayson…
The View from my Mind
Well it was Thanksgiving number 5 without Daniel. I’ve said it before, but really, it is just hard to believe. It seems like he was just here. This was the first one that wasn’t quite so difficult to bear. Grayson and I usually go to the coast with my family and spend a couple of days fishing, collecting sea shells, feeding the sea gulls (like this…
Take It All
We are all at a standstill. You and me. You poised to help, not knowing what to do.Me, on the other side, wanting help, not knowing what to ask for. Art’s presence has been with me all day. I just stood in my kitchen crying.Pallas looking on, hugging me.”This is so hard.” I said’I miss him too, Mommy.” she said.And I want dinner delivered…
Serenity Now….
Remember the Seinfeld episode where George’s dad keeps yelling: “Serenity Now”? He’s supposed to be chanting it in a low melodic voice but instead yells it during times of stress…. I think I’m going to try it! ;)The last month or so has been very stressful for me, and I’ve lost focus on the things that should matter to me right now. I’ve been…