I do quite a bit of driving now. David lives about 45 minutes from my house and my work is about 45 minutes from my house the other way. Most of my friends, my sister, and my parents are also about half an hour away. So I spend quite a bit of time on the road. I don’t mind; it’s “me” time. However, spending so much time driving I also very…
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I Live for Love
Most weeks, when I write my Wednesday contribution, I have little to no idea of what I might write. What I need to write. I think, as I start, okay, I’m going to write about this, and I open the document and my fingers still over the keyboard because, nope, that’s not what I need to write about. I allow my mind to go blank. I turn on what I…
Your Death, My Amnesia
You exist in my world in all the ways you existed when you breathed the air that I breathed. And none of them. Your image is finally strong again in my mind and heart. I didn’t remember it for almost 5 years. I didn’t feel you. I didn’t see you. You disappeared from me that night you took your last breath. The night I took my last breath, in…
Single Seat
My son graduated on Friday. It was a good day. His graduation is not about grief. But, just like everything in my life, his graduation got me thinking about Mike. And, I feel incredibly guilty because not everything has to do with Mike. Except that it does – for me. I purposefully avoided social media this weekend because I didn’t want…
Living With Duality
Our world is unforgiving of those who grieve, Those who mourn. We get a bit of time initially, of course. Mostly, anyways. Thankfully. But, too soon, we hear through words unspoken and spoken, Through actions of those we know, or don’t know… That we must be different than we are. Be this or that, Something other than what our heart and soul is…
2 Years: Gone Today and Everyday
Sunday will be 2 years since Mike died. I keep thinking that I am getting it wrong. It can’t possibly be 2 years already. I feel like I just saw him. But then I feel like I haven’t seen him in an eternity. The whole while I still can’t believe I’ll never see him again. I see his picture and I think, “how can I never see him again; that…
My Beloved
My beloved, How thin, or thick, is the veil Between your world and mine? Is there a world for you? Or did you just disappear into nothingness? Are there alternative worlds in which You and I exist at a different time? Still together, still living our lives, Living and loving passionately, Instead of me, living here, alone, Feeling all that…
You Have Been my Best Surprise
This amazing little girl came into my life quite unplanned 3 years ago… when I hadn’t even expected to find love again, much less a child. Now I’m waking up on mother’s day morning, and I am the one being celebrated. This is still so surreal to me. Of all of the hard or scary things in my life, this is one that I chose. I didn’t choose to…
Love, In Time
Where, my Beloved, did you go,That long-ago night when you left me?Where did you go,That darkest of nights forever ago,But yesterday?Watching as your chest quivered in and out,Until it quite simply…didn’t.And my heart that was your heart that was my heart again, and yours,Shattered and splintered,Even as it crystalized into nothingness and…
Let it Ride
I love how Mike was made. He was a good man. He was solid. Kindhearted. Bold in character, and strong in spirit. He stood with confidence. When he walked in a room the energy changed. Mike commanded attention in a very unassuming way. There was a certain authority in everything he did, yet there was a gentleness to him that you…
Back to Fear-Facing
In the almost 6 years since my fiance has been gone, so much life has happened. An unbelievable amount really. It’s felt like warp speed living. In part that was due to how much higher my emotions have run since he died… but it’s also in part due to having had so much change happen and having faced so many fears in such a small time in my…
And Though She Be But Little
Last night we were sitting in the restaurant and there was a table of four boys sitting across the aisle from us. They were being a little too loud for comfort. Without missing a beat, Lila turns to them and yells, “Hey! Be quiet!” I quickly tried to quiet Lila down because I didn’t want to cause a scene and young boys are prone to…