I have been missing Michael terribly today. I’m not sure why, but it was one of those days where my heart just didn’t want to accept that he is indeed gone.Throughout the day I kept picturing him looking deep into my eyes. I kept feeling his gaze, and kept sensing his touch. It will be two years in September, yet these days still arrive where I…
LGBTQ+ Widowed
Always
I’m sitting here, Sunday night, and watching the old Steven Spielberg film, Always. It’s one of those films we widowed people try to avoid, especially in the first year. I’m not in my first year, more like at 22 months, but who’s counting.This is one of those films that I remember enjoying, but never really thought to watch again. So, the details…
Dating Again.
Well, last week I wrote about visualizing change. In fact, “Visualizing Change” was the title of concurrent posts both here and on my personal blog. I thought it appropriate to discuss the issue in both forums, as I wanted to feel like I carefully explored what I was wanting and what I was feeling.The subtitle to my personal blog is “one gay man’s…
Visualizing Change
I just returned from a camping trip with my brother and his family. It was at one of those family RV resorts, where everyone is parked next to each other, row after row. There were activities galore all weekend long, and lots of happy couples, excited kids, proud grandparents, and me.Well, that’s how it felt most of the time. I’m sure that to…
Stuck
I’m feeling indecisive these days. In fact, I wrote a very long post earlier this evening, then decided that it didn’t adequately describe what I was feeling. I decided to leave it on my screen for awhile, then came back and hit delete. There are so many times in my day to day life that I would love to have a do-over. I would love to just…
A Child’s Grief.
I’m writing this on Sunday, Father’s Day. I just returned from visiting my folks, about 2 hours away. It seems that whenever the kids and I visit our extended family, especially on holidays, we end up having a debriefing of our thoughts and emotions on the ride home. Before I start, let me share with you my own reactions to days such as this. I…
Ouch! again
Damn them. Damn the U.S. Postal Service for being the excellent trackers they are. And, damn life for it’s ongoing kick in the stomach. It has been 11 months since I moved away from our San Francisco home, in need of a fresh start with as few reminders as possible. It’s been two further moves once settled in San Diego. I didn’t want to spend the…
Empty Handed
It’s been a rough week. I’ve been an emotional mess, and have felt more vulnerable than I have in months. I don’t really know what brought it on either. I kept looking at the calendar, trying to find some reason, or meaning, behind all the tears I have been shedding this week, but just came up empty handed. Perhaps that’s just it, I feel empty…
Alone Together
I just got off the phone with my good friend Dominic. We don’t talk to each other too often, maybe once a month, but when we do, I always feel so good. He lives up in the Bay Area, from where I moved from last year. We have been to many of the same places, and always have similar stories to share with each other. He’s originally from my new home…
Bromance
Well, I’m dating. Okay, maybe I’m not really dating. I’m just not quite sure what to call it. It’s been awhile since I dated anyone, and, it’s been awhile since I have felt the need to qualify exactly what I am doing with another person. It’s kind of odd, going out with someone, talking, and texting several times throughout the week, wondering…
Tired, Exhausted
This has been quite a week. It was one of those weeks that took so much inner strength, and perseverance, to get through. For one, my now 13 year old has recently fallen so behind in his school work, and his grades were literally tanking. He has some issues, one of which being significant ADHD, which requires a real team effort on the part of his…
I’m in between
I’m currently in between jobs. Because I wasn’t exactly sure when my new job would begin, I had to play it cautiously, and give two weeks’ notice to my most recent employer. It was a matter of jumping through many pre-employment hoops, then playing the waiting game of all the required documentation to be returned to the Human Resources office,…