This past week, a friend of mine shared a story with me about a woman she recently met while out shopping for boots at a western store. As they looked through the sale rack, the woman told her how she got through the death of her husband by promising herself a new pair of cowboy boots every time she had to do something hard in relation to her…
“It Isn’t Fair”
I recently overheard a widowed woman sharing about her experience and of being still in a very painful place with it all after 4 long years. Granted in widowhood, that isn’t an extremely unusual circumstance. But I do think sometimes we err on the side of being so careful with those grieving that we do not say some more blunt perspectives that…
Losing my ‘Widginity’
Ok. So. A LOT of things have happened in the past week for me. And just days ago, one of the biggest new firsts happened. One I have wondered about and feared and dreaded for two and a half years. I can’t even believe I’m going to share this… like, PUBLICLY, but it’s part of the journey. So here goes. I spent this past week up in the Alaskan…
Brave Love
I’m writing you tonight from my hotel room in Seattle – en route to a four-night stay in Alaska. I hadn’t really given any thought to what I was going to write today for this post, as I’ve spent the better part of the day running around like crazy. It could have been about the usual stuff of Valentine’s Day… like how bitchy I’ve been all week…
A House for His Soul
There’s a story I’ve been wanting to share here for a while now. It is one my grief counselor has encouraged me to tell, as he’s felt it could be of help to others. So here goes. It’s been roughly two and a half years since my fiancé died, very suddenly, in a helicopter crash. I’ve gone through unimaginable pain. I’ve wanted to climb out of my own…
A Powerful Destruction
Before I get into my post for this week, I just wanted to mention how EXCITED I am to be attending Camp Widow in Tampa this coming week! I mention it because last year, I attended but did not mention here – and it turned out there were a few readers who had no idea I was coming. For anyone out there who is, I am so looking forward to meeting you at…
Living with “After” Shock
Something I feel many people don’t understand about losing your partner is that there are many, many subsequent losses. It’s something all of you understand, or will come to. Like aftershock from an earthquake, they continue to shake our foundation for YEARS after the initial tragedy. It can be the smallest things, like the first time you…
Milestones & Grief Creep
This past week one of the most amazing things happened to me that has happened in my “after” life. I was selected as a finalist for a magazine cover of an art magazine – for one of my photographs that tells part of my grief journey – and ended up winning the final vote. It is the first time my art will be published on a magazine cover. This is huge…
The Long Pause
Another week has passed, and I’ve had some more time to reflect back on the NYE experience I had with a guy. It was the first person I became physical with since my fiancé. You’ll recall, he had less than admirable intentions with me – which he hid well. Intentions which I found out after several dates and a lot of letting my guard down.
NYE Trauma and its Lessons
I shared about a month ago about going on a first date with someone. And it’s very hard to share today how that unfolded. Despite my knowing that this person had a lot of problems of his own, I decided to open up and get to know him. For about a month now we’ve talked, had a second date recently. He made me laugh more than anyone has in a long…
Neighbors of the Heart
It’s been a few weeks since I shared about going on my first date with someone since my fiancé died. I have been through every wave of emotion imaginable since then. I have cried buckets of tears for how much this experience has made me miss my fiancé. For how much all of this is bringing up old familiar memories and joys I shared with him…
Complex Christmas and an Inspiring Story
This morning I was watching the news and saw a feature about a young girl – 14 years old – who is working hard to achieve a very special Christmas goal. Her wish, is to put a wreath on every single grave at Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery here in San Antonio, TX. To date, there are over 144,000 graves of fallen soldiers buried here. To say it is…