Birthdays. It’s one of the hardest parts. My first birthday in this afterlife was just three months after my fiancé died. I didn’t even want to think about my birthday much less have one. We had decided to go to the Grand Canyon that year for my birthday, since I had never been to a national park. Refusing to spend my 30th birthday in bed, I…
The Cold Front Comes In
The cold front comes inand chills my boneswith the realitythat you are not coming home -not nownot tomorrownot ever. That none of my family is.not my mothernot my fatherand not you. So many people I have lost alreadyin thirty-two years of livingI have lived and died alreadymany lifetimes in this body.Some yearsthe cold front whisks inwith a…
The Healing Cycle
This past week something really big happened for me. It was one of those things that originally came out of nowhere, yet will be something I will remember for the rest of my life. It all began almost a year ago, with an email. The woman writing to me was a poet, and she came across my photography online and wanted to use one of my images for the…
Spirit
Living with the loss of partner, or any great loss, is one of the most challenging things we will ever face in life. It sends us on a journey through the fire – into a darkness the likes of which we have never experienced before. It brings us to our knees and breaks us. Severely. I certainly remember this feeling well. Before my fiancé died, I…
To Be the Giver
Every once in a while, something slams into us without warning. On a hot summer night two years ago, it was the phone call, with my father-in-law on the other end of the line telling me that the love of my life was in a crash while flying, and he didn’t make it. His death slammed into me like two planets colliding. And then this week, on another…
Carry On, Phenomenon
It’s been a while since I’ve cried like I did tonight. And it wasn’t because of anything profound happening. It was just because of a movie. I went out to see The Hundred Foot Journey. It was a beautiful movie and a well-told story. And I am a big foodie, so I always love a movie that bubbles with a deep, soulful love of food. The part that really…
The Away Letters: Finding a way
When he left for the trip he never returned from, we began writing letters to each other. Despite the fact that we also talked on the phone every night, we wanted to have the letters as a reminder of these times. Neither of us ever knew that he’d not make it back from that first flying contract. Neither of us knew we would only exchange three away…
The Star of Seven
I was at an estate sale yesterday and I found this little wooden bookmark hiding away in a corner that really intrigued me. I picked it up and read on the back something about The Star of Seven Day. Further intrigued, I purchased it and brought it home to research. It turns out it is a scene depicting the story of the Tanabata Festival.
Getting My Feet Wet
I’m struggling tonight. A mix of emotions are coursing through my veins… as is always the case with anything new on this journey. Why does every single new thing have to pull at my gut with uneasiness for the fact that he is not here? *sigh*Today my Crossfit class had a water workout at the lake. Swimming, kayaking, lots of hard work and fun.
What is a Partner?
As an artist, I believe that every piece I create is coming through me from some other source and meant for one person out there. I’ve come to believe this because of it happening to me with many of my photographs and written pieces. Someone will come forward to share how important my image was to them, and how perfectly it aligned with something…
Battle On
I have to thank everyone for all the incredible responses to my post last week. You warmed my heart and really helped me to feel a bit more okay with all of this mess – and a bit less alone. Trying to welcome a new life is SO not easy, but its a heck of a lot easier with friends like all of you. You encourage me to be honest with where I am at on…
Fitting Two Worlds Together
“It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life For me And I’m feeling good” Don’t we ALL wish it was that simple?? Since coming home from my trip to Hawaii a few weeks ago, things have been rough. I wrote a post here trying to glean some of the positives from everything as of late – but really what I think I need to talk about is how freaking…