Traveling the Path Together [COMMUNITY: Part 3] I experienced intentional community for the first time in 1979. It changed my life. “Some come to talk, others come to listen,” the leader said. “Most do a bit of both. Engage here in whatever way feels comfortable for you. We’re glad you’re here.” […]
Common Feelings and Attitudes
Along the Path of Grief [COMMUNITY: Part 2] The role of feelings in grief is huge. Feelings impact us when they are present, absent, strong, subtle, frozen, overwhelming, invisible, or constantly changing. The famous writer, C.S.Lewis, describes the changing nature of feelings through his own experience. “No one ever told me that grief […]
Considering the Impossible
and Finding Possibility [COMMUNITY: Part 1] You Don’t Move On But you must move ‘with’ you must shake hands with Grief, welcome her in, for she lives with you now. Pull her a chair at the table and offer her comfort. She is not the monster you first thought her […]
Anatomy of a Four Letter Word
. . . FEAR I rather envy those who don’t seem to have a lot of fears. Even if it is “not noticing” or “tuning it out” it is a skill that might be helpful at times for someone like me. I notice everything and kind of suck at tuning things out. As a young […]
As I Enter Twenty Twenty-Four
A Brief List of Happenings This year I eschewed a few traditions. “No,” I told my children, “I am not depressed; not avoiding you; not in a funk. Just changing it up for New Year’s 2024.” It was the opposite of being in a funk. Recently, I resolved to face any problems full-on and to […]
Marking Time
Through Numbers This is my 85th blog post as a widow. By 71 years + 230 days, time marked 32 years since Dan’s first heart attack at age 39. When he died, we had been married for 18,913 days (50 years + 9 months) when no one thought these two crazy kids would make it […]
When Things Go Wrong
in Grief and Life I love this image. One folder looks like tax receipts; another could be love letters. Bookends of life. When things go wrong in grief it forms a layer on top of the grief itself. We are carrying one thing and then, suddenly, there is another layer on top (and often another […]
The Trickster of Grief
Forgetting “What did I do with my glasses?” I ask. “This is strange. I’ve looked everywhere.” This was me in my twenties, thirties, and beyond. This is me today. Five minutes ago. Perhaps if I’d gone to a Montessori school, things would be different. Nope. Forgetting has ever been a part of my norm. […]
Showing Up
to Meet the Magic It all started with remembering how my late husband, an extrovert, was so great about having energy for everything. Last minute gathering with our kids? No problem. Just tell me where and when. Holiday fun in town, or out of town, or two events in a row? Bring it on! My […]
Unexpected Weeping Session
Arrives as Gift It all started with a parrot, followed by two or more yapping chihuahuas. A din. The parrot screamed: Mom! Mom! Incessant barking sounded through the fence as loud, or louder, than a pack of small dogs sounding an alarm at close range. Were they being corralled? Or ostracized from being cozy […]
the seed of me
what shape waits . . . the shape of what was what is what will be transformation. how am I different? or the same? in the seed of you . . . the seed of me of sorrow of grief of survival of resilience of gratitude i am the seed of yesterdays i am the […]
Things They’ve Missed
Or Have They? There are plenty of things about widowhood that are “stage” reliant. How many days, weeks, or months its been since our person died. How many years since they left us. But the category of “things they missed” seems to come round no matter the specifics of time. It’s a category that never […]