I’m grateful I have this spot to write out my thoughts, to think out my thoughts and, maybe at times, make sense of my thoughts. More often than not, it seems that I am incapable of writing in prose here. Sometimes just listing the idle thoughts that run through my brain comes more easily. Every part of me is exhausted this week. More than…
Widow Word~
W I D O W Add an E R for the guys W I D O W E R S Both words mean the same thing. Someone we loved died. Someone we still love, died. Gone, gone, goneAnd it’s up to us, those left behind, to create new lives for ourselves. It’s a powerful word, an ugly word to most of us. If not all of us It carries within its’ letters all the pain and…
It’s the 3 Dots at the end…
Of course you’ll always miss your husband….. It’s the but that you can read into those little dots at the end of that sentence that contain the crux of what the person is really saying. ….don’t hang onto the grief…. ….it’s your decision to be happy or not…. …..if you’re still struggling with grief, maybe you should go on…
My Two-ish Selves~
I oftentimes read posts/blogs of people who are grieving who speak about how they feel, after some time has passed, as if they present themselves to the world in a way that isn’t real but that they feel is required of them. In that, they don’t show their grief to the world. For many reasons, of course, but they feel unable to show who they…
Loved Still, Loved Always~
These days that stretch and wind and turn and curve Nights that do the same This life filled with unknowing and uncertainty And grief and loss and wandering and wondering Roads that stretch and wind and turn and curve Thousands of miles since you died, my LoveThousands of hours and minutes Memories streaming past my window Streaming through me and…
So I Don’t Fade~
I do love writing for Widows Voice. It’s my saving grace each week. But I also struggle, many weeks, to come up with something to write here. Not because I have nothing to write about. But because there is so much to write about that words and sentences fail me.Each time I sit down to write, here or on my personal blog, or on my Happily…
Idle Thoughts instead of~
Idle thoughts because I feel like shit and can’t summon up the energy to form a full sentence~ Being sick sucks. Being sick while widowed sucks bigger. It adds to the sense of aloneness. Even when it’s only a head cold, but the exhaustion of living years without your person sets in at the same time and it becomes bigger than it is.It makes me…
Death and Friendships (not)
The fact that a decades old friendship is dead in the water and it doesn’t bother me says to me that it’s been floating belly up for some time, and I just never really noticed. Friendships die for various reasons; it can be something small that suddenly becomes a catalyst, or it can be something big and you just can’t ignore it. I guess what…
This Silent Companion~
This life This life without him This life without his tangible Love His eyes no longer upon me from across the room His smile no longer beckoning me into his armsThis life Of silence at the end of the day Quiet all around me Just my thoughts rolling and roiling around in my brain And in my heart, though I’ve only realized since his death that it…
A Moonlit Dance~
We danced under the moonlit, starlit, skies You and I Your right arm around my back, your left hand grasping mine. We turned and swayed and moved our feet not only to the music from the player but to the hushed beat of our two hearts.Under the starlit skies in our backyard. Everywhere and nowhere For no reason and every reason Our bodies moving so…
Me…Sighing~
Tired. Exhausted. Done in. Over it. Finito. That pretty much describes me where I am right now. Not because of the grief, necessarily, though I guess it springs from the place inside of me where grief lives.Mostly it has to do with all the ugliness of the world at large, both domestically and globally, and all of that makes me miss my…
This Air Force Widow….this FWG…and a Reunion~
Last Saturday I went to a reunion at the airbase in Jersey from which Chuck retired. The reunion was made up of crew and maintainers of the C-141’s, the cargo plane that my husband flew on as a flight engineer. That was before my time, but he spoke of those days, and, more so, the plane, often, in our years together. He was so proud of…