I was struck, recently, as I perused join requests on a fb group I began a few months ago, for widows who live on the road, or camp. I vet each request to ensure that each woman meets the requirements for our particular group. Within the group, we discuss, not surprisingly, intensely emotional topics around widowhood, and the challenges of…
Words in a Book, From the Grave~
St Thomas Aquinas said that Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility. It is therefore able to undertake all things. To hear your laugh again did wonders for my heart. I feel so deeply for you and want you to be as happy and fulfilled as you can be. I know that Betty…
Oh, the Shame! On THEM~
It was disheartening this week to read of a widow sister who had received a nasty email from friends. Friends of her husband who became her friends also. She thought they were still friends after his death but their email made clear to her that they want nothing to do with her. She thrived on the drama of widowhood, they said, because of the…
Widowhood and a Microscope~
It would probably seem torturous to many people. And it is, I suppose. But sometimes I feel so empty, so without Chuck, so numb, so filled with absence, that I seek them out so that I can feel again, right down to my gut, even if the feeling is deep sadness. Them being videos on youtube of military funerals. With the recent anniversary of the…
The Vastness of the Empty Space~
I wonder at the vastness of this life without him… This life of widowhood. How do I live in such a huge space? How do I locate myself in such a huge space? Where do I go now, with all the questions That have no real answers?What do I do with the emptiness Of that space beside me Where he once stood with a smile and an open heart? What do I do in…
In the After~
Living in the after My heart in the before My passion in the before Most of me, really, in the before I don’t know how to be In this afterI don’t know how to love life In this after All of me resides in the before Because nothing seems to matter In this after Memories of Love Of being held Lightness of being Instead of this heaviness In this…
Stardust Dances and the Universe~
Swirling and dancing back and forth Dipping and swaying in time…Dance me to the End of Love…with Leonard Cohen You’re the Inspiration….with Chicago When I Said I Do…with Clint Black Around the kitchen into the dining room In the backyard under the canopy With the flowers bright around us Under a full moon with the dark skies around us and…
My Brain in Short Sentences~
I Am So tired. Living Without him Is exhausting In Every way.I work Hard Every day To create a New life And it takes Every damn bit of Energy to Do that because Really (shhh, it’s a secret) I don’t Give a damn about Creating A new life Without him But I’m supposed to Care and I have to support myself So…. I do what I need To do but Honestly…
Widow Speak~
There really is no explaining it In words that either convey or make sense to anyone WIDOW The depths of the word change daily and minute by minute Depending on the day or the minute In the beginning, it means devastation conflagration incineration annihilation Each of those feeling remain or don’t Depending on the day or the minuteIt’s going…
Long Live Love~
In the before moments As you hold tight while trying to let go Waiting for that last breath Dreading that last breath Holding your breath waiting for that last breath Gasping in your breath as he exhales his last breath Long Live LoveAs you sit and stand and pace and stare Wondering at this new world of without With only your breath in it Where…
A Different On the Road Again~
I’m on the road again. This time it was from Jersey, south to Maryland. Every piece of the road, every rest stop, every billboard, every bridge…all were familiar to me. Chuck and I drove this route our second year out as Happily Homeless, as we made our way to Key West for the first time. Our red Ford Escape and miles to go, absorbing the…