As we walked he wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned in, not away. As we talked he looked into my eyes (so sorry for the corniness of that statement) And I looked back, not down.We sat at dinner and I danced in his attention. Rose, glowed, warmed when he looked at me thinking I was not paying attention, when he laughed at my quick wit, when he…
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ACL 2010
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time.Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…
the anger
**My apologies for the raw and rude wording of this post. It’s been written in the heat of the moment but I feel it would lessen its ‘feel’ if I softened the wording. I hope no one is offended** There are times I hate him for dying. Two and a half years later and I could spit fury at his lack of care for his health, for his concern for our…
a list.
otherwise perfect, this moment became something wholly unexpected when the words drifted from her lips. well, i shouldn’t say that it was wholly unexpected, but the timing most certainly was.the question brought me back in a way that usually only my memory can. “remember what we talked about that one time?” that’s what changed the moment. and…
There Will Always Be ….
…. set backs. I know that’s a given. Life is full of set backs. Everyone’s life, not just mine. Or yours. So why is it then, that when I am hit with one of them …. I’m surprised?Last week was a set back. One huge, hairy set back. It started the moment I arrived home from a trip and continued on through Sunday (and is even bleeding a little…
Five Years Ago Today
As a young teen, my husband Daniel traveled on Amtrak to St. Louis Missouri with his parents and five siblings. When he spoke of this trip many years later, his fondest memories were of staying up all night in the sleeper car rocking to the rhythmic movements of the train, watching the Texas landscape flash by, playing Gin Rummy as the train…
I Didn’t Cry
When I first was able to entertain the thought of marrying again, I was certain that I would fall to pieces when asked to utter the phrase, “till death do us part.” Those four words mean something completely different now that I know what parting actually feels like. In fact, I often teared up when discussing my fear of this phrase with…
Normal
I have nothing to write. I had a completely relaxing day. I dropped Langston off at school for his game and on the way home I cried so hard I had to pull over.Art’s death is just so fundamentally sad. All that he is missing is just tragic! And yet… I returned later, and watched Langston play flag football. I took my other two to play dates. I…
Once In A Lifetime Trips
It’s that time of year. That time where I’m able to fulfill one of the biggest dreams Michael and I had. To travel across the world.I vowed after he died that I would take a once-in-a-lifetime trip once a year. The first being a 220 plus mile backpacking pilgrimage across Spain. The second was in Ireland. And this year I will be hopping around the…
wishing it were
My daughter, Liv, has always loved stories. Stories of mythical creatures and the lessons these myths hold seem to entice her imagination into applying these learning experiences upon her life. Awhile back, for movie night, the kids and I watched “The Secret of Roane Inish”. After learning of the legend of the Selkies, Liv was truly enraptured and…
happy birthday.
it wasn’t the kind of birthday celebration i would have chosen, for her but then there’s very little about this situation that either one of us would have.but after three of them without her this was by far the best. not because i’m over what happened or because i’ve moved on (i prefer the phrase, “moving through,” implying an active process vs.
And So It Goes ….. and goes and goes and goes
This thing called grief. I just got back from a fantastic trip to Germany. I was with a group of 46 other people and we toured around for nearly 2 weeks. It was my first trip “alone”. I’ve gone on trips with the kids or with friends, but I went by myself on this one. I stayed by myself in all of the hotels.Most of the other 46 people were…