I spent the morning yesterday hiking alone in Forest Park. I started at Hoyt Arboretum which has acres of trails lined with groupings of tree plantings. I walked through hemlock, fir and oak groves and eventually came to the redwood and sequoia forest. The light barely filtered through the canopy and the giant red trunks seemed to muffle sound. I…
Widowed
A Dog Eat Dog World
Who do I complain to about the discrepancy of dog years compared to human years? I want to know the person in charge who came up with the math of 7 years of a dog’s life is equal to 1 year of a human’s life. I’m confused by acceleration of dog time; I’ve watched a dog for an entire day. He gets up, goes outside to the bathroom –…
Arrival
May will mark the 1 year anniversary of my beloved Charlie’s death.It still feels like I was just walking through the airport terminal getting the call from the oncologist. Yesterday, that he was fighting for his life and my soul and heart. Yesterday, that I laid with him at the fireplace and felt his last breath pass by my cheek.Just like Michael,…
Perspective Driven Purging
When we moved two years after Jeff died, I was forced to go through many of his things. At first, it truly saddened me. I stared at the mass of accumulated items that he had kept for sentimental reasons….sometimes I scratched my head. Sometimes I cried. Often times, I was furious. Why the hell did he keep this collection of bottle caps and an…
It Seems That I Am Overqualified
… to grieve in the same way as most widows. According to certain people. (Surprisingly enough, I wrote this post before I read Amanda’s post from yesterday. It seems we know some of the same people! 🙂 This can be a touchy subject, so be prepared to feel “touchy”.It’s about money.Or the lack thereof. Someone who reads my personal blog…
Judgements
can’t believe she’s staying in that big house. Surely she’d be better to move to something smaller without all those memories.I can’t believe she won’t write in that journal I gave her. She should write her memories down. You’d think she owes Greg that much. (I do write them down … but not to share in that journal).Why isn’t she dating? She’s…
Proud
After two weeks living in my new place, my new city, my new life, I am feeling at peace most of the time. The anguish of living in “our” house has lifted. My new life matches the new me a little better.I’m meeting wonderful new people and finding new ways to heal. I’ve been sleeping through the night more often, a reflection of the peace I’ve been…
Spider Cracks
It’s almost midnight and she lies in a hospital bed at the all-too-familiar emergency room. Tears emerge as the nurse pushes the needle into her arm – in order to find a “good” vain for the IV. This is the nurse’s second attempt, the first one only producing a puncture that will be sore for days. I stand hopeless next to the bed,…
Paris
I’m here! My once in a lifetime/once a year trip is on it’s last day and It’s been one full of reminders on why these are a necessity for my heart and soul. Exploring new places, new food, new art has made me feel him so much. As I’ve realized, it’s always been those moments of filling my heart with wonder and life that I know he is always with…
My Best Friend Got Married
Michele is filling in for Michelle D. today…who is currently lounging in St. John….My best friend, and fellow widow, is now married.The readers here have a unique view of this new marriage, because the majority of us have outlived a spouse. We KNOW how it feels to be “parted” from our loved one by death. I’d wager that many of us said the word…
Trying
I am going to start by apologizing that my post for today is so late. I’ll admit that I am frazzled and busy. I can also tell you that I tried to post last night but after an unexplained computer shut-down, I was sceptical that my article had posted. So at 5 AM, I checked. No post. No post and I had to get up to get the kids ready for school and…
I Am Not a Mind Reader
…. and I don’t really think I want to be.But it would certainly make some things easier …. relationships, for instance. I wouldn’t have to guess what a certain word is supposed to mean …. or a certain look ….. or the raise of an eyebrow. I wouldn’t have to wonder if all men like this, or hate that ….. or if all widows feel this, or…