I’ve moved twice since David passed. Both moves necessary, emotional, and exhausting. I moved into this house 3 months ago. I had unopened boxes from both moves and at some point I just stopped unpacking. Those that remained were shoved into the guest bedroom with the door shut. From time to time I would consider opening the door and organizing the…
Widowed Suddenly
Sometimes It’s So Painful … I Just Have to Laugh
Do you ever have one of those days when you think that nothing, NOTHING could top the last stupid thing that happened to you? Today was one of those days. I had three very stupid, and potentially painful, items in my mailbox. All three were from our government. I will refrain from saying any more on that.The first piece was from Social Security.
Happy Anniversary Honey
I married Phillip Hernandez on June 16, 2000. Our first date was January 16, 2000~and there were more than a few people who openly questioned our sanity when we announced our intention to marry. Divorce rates for blended families were quoted to us, some wondered aloud how we could be certain this was the right choice after such a short courtship,…
My Friend Grief
Over the past four years grief and I have reluctantly become friends. Grief is not the kind of friend I can call in the middle of the night when I am sad, but rather the kind of friend who sits quietly at the end of my bed while I cry myself to sleep. Grief may be away for weeks or even months at a time, but the knock of this friend is now as…
How Many Tickets?
I never went to the movies solo. For as long as I can remember I had someone to my left or right to share my popcorn and Sour Patch Kids with. Michael, on the other hand, loved catching the latest flick on his own. It was as if he had some freedom I hadn’t quite mastered.I remember the first time I ventured out to explore this alien land. As I…
A Journal Entry
I’ve been glancing at David’s journal for the past week. It sits on a special bookshelf in our living room. I used to read it every night before my pathetic attempt at sleep but it’s been a while since I’ve opened the pages. This small, brown, soft leather journal is eminently special to me. His hands have touched every page of the tattered book,…
I Can’t Think About Him ….
….for very long. I find that it’s emotionally and physically impossible for me to sit and just think about Jim. I cannot reflect on memories. Not yet. I can only think of him in snatches of time. And only for a moment. I wonder if this is how most people deal with grief?If I sit and think about him for more than a moment then I feel myself…
The Widow Language
This is me with our awesome Thursday girl (Nicole), and our amazing Saturday girl (Taryn). We met for sushi in Texas last January, and spent some time together talking widow. Yes, I do think there is a widow language!When you speak widow you avoid the phrase, “How are you?” Conversing in widow never requires full sentences. If tears spring up…
Choosing Hope
“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve There was a time, not really that long ago, when I did not want to choose hope. Possibility was a word that applied to other people, so why would I care about hope?To take that thought a step farther, hope seemed to be a betrayal. What could I hope for? Healing, ugh. Happiness, not…
Bring It on Year 3!!
So the 2 year mark has come and passed. In one 24 hour period I am starting on another year in this new world I live in. As the angelversary arrives people always seem to ask how I’m doing (Go figure), then the day arrives and it seems as if it was the build up to the day which was the worse. Then the day comes, and it seems like any other day in a…
To Survive…
It feels as though it doesn’t take much to get me tired these days. I could be doing the same tasks I did before, only now, it takes everything out me. I’m exhausted to the core. Emotionally, I’m fine. Physically, I’m spent. I wonder if it’ll always be like this… If it’ll always take quadruple the strength to get through a day and all that it…
Just thinking ….
Hi everyone! It’s good to be back and I’m thankful to Colleen for taking over for me while I was gone. Interestingly enough, she and I share the same anniversary. It was my second without Jim and I’m not gonna lie…. it was tough. But I’m still here. And that’s something.Anyway….. I was just writing to a friend and we were both talking about…