I will admit that I have uttered the phrase, “Why me?” on more than one occasion. I could follow that with the similar, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is THAT person still alive while Phil is dead?” and a few others that are equally ugly. But the land of the ugly is where I resided for quite a while, and sometimes a place I still visit.
Widowed Suddenly
Happy 4th of July!
Today marks another holiday that truly puts into perspective just all that our husbands fought, loved and died for. I will not lie….Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and 4th of July used to be holidays that seemed to melt together. Besides separate months, fireworks and parades, I truly never felt to full capacity what each really stood for and meant…
Thus begun our Dance
It was a clear, sunny morning on July 2nd, 2005, not an ugly cloud in the sky. I got ready in a room with the women most pronounced in my life at that time. I was escorted by the 8 beautiful women of my bridal party through the hotel and across the country club in California. I stopped briefly at the white fence behind the gorgeous gazebo before…
Perspective ….
….. is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? This picture was from our last vacation. The last day of our last vacation to be exact. In June of 2007. Six months before Jim died. It was a “different” vacation for us. A different perspective. Only half of our children were able to go. The three girls were working that summer and could…
What I Believe In
Before Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about death were…
Humbled
I did not want to be a widow. In fact, it is safe to say that I would have liked to be just about anything BUT a widow. It took a while for the reality to set in…I was a WIDOW. Ugh. That word, the dreaded title, the image of a shriveled up person with a love that died, the imagined black veil, the wedding ring that no longer meant married…I…
The Joy
John Clarke once said, “True love is the joy of life.” Now I don’t know John but after this past week I have to add on to these words of inspiration he probably spoke many years ago. Now as I personally know, true love is hands down numero uno in my joy book but the second greatest joy is being around others who have been touched by its graces.
Celebrating the Journey at Hole 8
This week is a big week for the widows in my life- the military widows of The American Widow Project. Wednesday, we had our first annual charity golf tournament for the organization. Each golf hole was dedicated to the soul mate of an AWP member. I spent the entire day on a golf course in North Carolina with about 120 supporters and 15 military…
Masks ….
…. are very heavy to wear for a long period of time and they tend to make my face sweat. I really thought that I was done wearing them after Jim died. I couldn’t wear them. I didn’t have the energy to snap them into place and keep them from sliding off. So I didn’t.But now, now that it’s a year and a half later; I am finding out that some…
Learning to Focus
A comment made by a special friend about yesterday’s post got me thinking about the fact that people who have lost someone instrumental in their lives tend to view the world from a new, and unwanted, vantage point. After Phil’s death I remember thinking that death swooped in and stole my rose colored glasses…leaving me with a pair of dark shades…
The Little Things
“It may seem boring, but it is the boring things I remember the most.” ~Russell, Adventure Scout from the animated film Up My daughter and I went to see the film Up last weekend. The buzz about the film was all good, but the widow buzz held a warning…good film, heart wrenching theme, message that may speak straight to your heart. Once again,…
In the Park
What is a park to you? A place to walk your dogs, read a book among nature, or just listen to the chirping birds? For me, I’ll be honest with you all….Starting at the age of 16 the park became a place where Michael and I could get away from our parents, sit on a picnic table and have lunch , and do what teenagers do (I’ll let your imagination go…