Last night I was sitting on the front porch enjoying a gorgeous summer night. Wispy strips of clouds lined the sky and created a red and orange evening canvas. As the breeze blew over me I was reminded of the many summer nights I sat in the same place on the porch chatting with Phil. As I called up memories of July evenings past the driveway was…
Widowed Suddenly
Filterless
Tomorrow is the last full day of my vacation with Son #2 and #3. I knew this vacation would be “different” …. since it was our first one without Jim. But I really had no clue as to how very different it would be.It has been difficult, to say the least. I expected waves ….. but I didn’t expect quite so many. I expected tough times, but I…
On My Own Two Feet
Before Phil died I never questioned my ability to stand on my own two feet. Being in a relationship was something I loved, but I didn’t believe that living life as a pair was mandatory for achieving happiness. My husband was my partner and my friend, but we were definitely two individuals with our own opinions and preferences…that didn’t always…
Why Me?
I will admit that I have uttered the phrase, “Why me?” on more than one occasion. I could follow that with the similar, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is THAT person still alive while Phil is dead?” and a few others that are equally ugly. But the land of the ugly is where I resided for quite a while, and sometimes a place I still visit.
Happy 4th of July!
Today marks another holiday that truly puts into perspective just all that our husbands fought, loved and died for. I will not lie….Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and 4th of July used to be holidays that seemed to melt together. Besides separate months, fireworks and parades, I truly never felt to full capacity what each really stood for and meant…
Thus begun our Dance
It was a clear, sunny morning on July 2nd, 2005, not an ugly cloud in the sky. I got ready in a room with the women most pronounced in my life at that time. I was escorted by the 8 beautiful women of my bridal party through the hotel and across the country club in California. I stopped briefly at the white fence behind the gorgeous gazebo before…
Perspective ….
….. is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? This picture was from our last vacation. The last day of our last vacation to be exact. In June of 2007. Six months before Jim died. It was a “different” vacation for us. A different perspective. Only half of our children were able to go. The three girls were working that summer and could…
What I Believe In
Before Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about death were…
Humbled
I did not want to be a widow. In fact, it is safe to say that I would have liked to be just about anything BUT a widow. It took a while for the reality to set in…I was a WIDOW. Ugh. That word, the dreaded title, the image of a shriveled up person with a love that died, the imagined black veil, the wedding ring that no longer meant married…I…
The Joy
John Clarke once said, “True love is the joy of life.” Now I don’t know John but after this past week I have to add on to these words of inspiration he probably spoke many years ago. Now as I personally know, true love is hands down numero uno in my joy book but the second greatest joy is being around others who have been touched by its graces.
Celebrating the Journey at Hole 8
This week is a big week for the widows in my life- the military widows of The American Widow Project. Wednesday, we had our first annual charity golf tournament for the organization. Each golf hole was dedicated to the soul mate of an AWP member. I spent the entire day on a golf course in North Carolina with about 120 supporters and 15 military…
Masks ….
…. are very heavy to wear for a long period of time and they tend to make my face sweat. I really thought that I was done wearing them after Jim died. I couldn’t wear them. I didn’t have the energy to snap them into place and keep them from sliding off. So I didn’t.But now, now that it’s a year and a half later; I am finding out that some…