…. because I am starting to realize that not everyone on this path …. “gets it”. Yes, that’s a broad term, but I’ve used it and seen it used hundreds of times amongst widowed people. Since Jim died I have discovered that when widowed people are together (or writing to one another) many words don’t have to spoken. Most emotions and…
Widowed Emotions
2 Years Later
I just returned from England and decided to sift through posts I wrote on my first “once-in-a-lifetime” trip after Michael was killed. This poem sums it all up…My life here without him…my presence on this earth…my impact from that which he embedded in my being. The sentiments and feelings are still the same…as well as the love:9.11.08 Wow!!…
brand name
Doctor Obsequious Tattle-tale Cashier Humanitarian Uncle Artist Labels are words that used to describe ourselves and others – a way to quickly and efficiently identify traits and tendencies.When I think about the labels used to describe or identify me, the one that gives me most to think about is ‘widow’. Initially, I despised this branding. I…
a trip.
we needed toget away.just the three of us.so we did.off to honolulu.with no plansother than toensure thatmadeline had the timeof her life.(that’s my only real goal in life).she did.she played on the beach and in the ocean and at the zoo and even took in a couple of sunsets. none of this iseasy, but a fewmoments alone togethergo a longway in helping…
The One Thing ….
…. that still brings huge waves of pain and grief to me, even after almost three years, is also one of the most beautiful things in our home. It is my piano.It’s not our original piano …. it’s mine. Jim bought me a piano a few years after we were married. He knew how very much I wanted one and so we saved up for a while and he bought me a…
Losing the Memories
There are many challenges associated with grief and loss that I expected, but I didn’t expect this one. On Lisa’s birthday, I found myself thinking about her and thinking about us. As I reflected, I realized that I hadn’t been thinking about her as often. I wouldn’t say it’s been a long while, but in terms of the time between reflections I…
Adventure
After Michael was killed my equilibrium for life was off. How things and actions made by me were gauged, I can’t quite say would fall under the category of “adventure”, as my reasoning behind certain decisions was semi-based off the hope that maybe I’d join Michael sooner than later.Selfish? Yes. But at that point the biggest risk, the biggest…
Don’t Die
“Hi, it’s me. I forgot to ask you to be sure you ride in the second or third car of the train. Thanks.” “Wow, you are awfully close to the side of the road. Don’t get hit by a car.” “Bike ride? Um, sure that sounds like a good idea. Are you going out alone?” “Hi, you said you’d be home around three and it is three-thirty now. Just checking in.
mirrors.
i was looking for something else, but i found two mirrors, buried in bags, buried in boxes, buried in a garage.buried. one, part of a fold-up hairbrush. the other, a compact to check her makeup. i found the compact first. i don’t think i’d ever seen it before. i held it. i closed my eyes. slowly. slowly. slowly. i opened it. i opened them. i saw…
Anniversary Gift
I am quickly approaching what would be my second wedding anniversary. Can I see a raise of hands as to who thinks this might be a difficult time for me? A no brainer, right?I have come to have a really negative visceral reaction to the word anniversary. It is a sad reality, but I like other young widowed people, missed out on a lot of things that…
Official First Date!!
As we walked he wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned in, not away. As we talked he looked into my eyes (so sorry for the corniness of that statement) And I looked back, not down.We sat at dinner and I danced in his attention. Rose, glowed, warmed when he looked at me thinking I was not paying attention, when he laughed at my quick wit, when he…
ACL 2010
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time.Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…