I’ve heard that statement countless times in the past almost 4 years. I wondered early on, “what do widows look like then?” I knew what I thought they looked like before: old, black dress, and so very sad and lonely. Well, I had the sad and lonely part down pat. Old and a black dress? Not so much.At conference this year, I got a good glimpse of…
Widowed by Illness
No fixing.
School is in session! I have looked forward to this day for over two months. Not because I want Anneke gone, because I don’t, but because with the house empty of daughter and S.O. I get to write without distraction.This past weekend, Labor Day Weekend, I really labored. I cleaned the house, washed the floors, weeded the garden, did three loads of…
Can She Fix It? Yes, She Can!
This is a picture of Grayson and I waiting for Amtrak to take us to Disneyland almost 4 years ago. If you look closely, you can see Daniel’s reflection in the glass behind us. He’s taking the picture. I didn’t realize until he was already gone that his reflection was captured in the photo, and he looks for all the world like a ghost, sort of…
Woman’s Intuition
Here in the North East, most public schools began their fall sessions this week. My sister, a first grade teacher, told me in an email that never in her life had she heard so much crying, five and six year olds being asked to leave their parents, many for the first time. According to my sister, “The sound of sobbing was everywhere.” I thought…
Stay by you, when it don’t come easy.
During Daniel’s last few months and during the peak of his illness, he told me that a song he’d heard made him think of me, and of us, and the crap we were going through. At the time, the song made me cry and think of all of the ways we supported each other and how scary it all was. Now, the song makes me think of him, it still makes me cry, and it…
Not Quite Good Enough
Ah yes, the List of Requirements…it sounds so very like something out of Hogwarts, and in fact the original list Michele described yesterday was crafted by a couple of witches for certain! I do have to admit to a sense of shame after reviewing the first list, were we really so shallow? No, we weren’t. But the first list was written as a…
Slower than Molasses
I have learned, when Anneke travels, to relax a bit. I only seem to get anxious and hyper the day she returns. While she is gone, I am resigned to the fact that she is there, and I am here and I might as well just chill. Since I have no choice.But the morning of the day she is to come home, I am high strung and anxious, and a pain to be around I am…
Making New Footprints (continued)
Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Well I do. 🙂 I’m missing New Orleans right now. My stomach is missing it especially, OMG did we have some amazing meals last weekend in that city. But, better than the food, we made some amazing memories.My little guy fell in love with the city and can’t wait to go back. I was a little worried that…
Making New Footprints
This weekend would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe this is the fourth one I will celebrate without him. Inconceivable really, and yet here it is. Another year passed. Our last anniversary together, lucky number 13, we went to dinner at our favorite restaurant (the Little Texas Bistro, damn I miss that place). The last three…
Still human…
I arrived back home (Cape Cod) from my vacation and the Conference on Widowhood late last night and went straight to bed, more tired than tired. This morning I got up and took a look around. The grass needed to be mowed, the garden needed to be weeded, and the house had a layer of fine dust that I couldn’t see but I knew was there. My desk was…
Put on a Happy Face…
Here’s my happy face. This smile isn’t fake, it was very sincere at that moment – I’m sure the free margaritas were enough to buy some sincerity, but I could be wrong. ;-)In the first months after Daniel died I didn’t feel like I put on a happy face. I didn’t feel capable of it. I’ve heard from others that I did and I seemed to be “okay”. Three and…
Next Stop Letterman…
OK, maybe I am exaggerating just a tad… But last weekend, the National Conference on Widowhood gave me the opportunity to step WAAAY outside of my comfort zone. Like, Way. This shy, insecure, risk-averse widow stood in front of a whole bunch of women and revealed herself. I wanted to give these fabulous, courageous and generous widows a few…