I love the idea that there is a time, and a season, for all things, but change has always been hard for me. I like sameness, actually I used to thrive in the familiar. But the transformation that has happened in my life since Phil’s death has taught me to accept my uneasiness regarding change as par for my particular course knowing that some of…
Widowed and New Love
Man Stuff
Funny how time flies. G was 2 months old in this picture with his Dad, and 5 years later he lost his Dad to cancer. Five years with your dad is not enough time. In the 5 years since Daniel died, I’ve tried to be both mom and dad to him…dusting him off when he falls, being sympathetic, being supportive, being harsh when it was needed…it’s tough…
Tired
I’m tired of being a widow. I’m tired of bringing the car to the mechanic when the red maintenance light visually screams at me. I’m tired of running out of food and being responsible for getting more. I’m tired of waking up by myself.I’m tired of being solely responsible for: Bringing in all the income Paying all the bills Making sure…
Judging Grief
I’ve frequently thought over the past years that I was doing this whole grief thing wrong. Clearly I wasn’t sad enough, skinny enough, or laying in bed enough. I was also not happy enough, not moving forward quickly enough, and not dating anyone yet. Once I wasn’t so wrapped up in the actual grieving that I couldn’t see anything but my own shoes,…
shadows & shoes.
a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.
I Think I’m Ready To Start Dating. I Think.
I think I’m ready to try my hand at dating. I think. In thinking about the possibility of dating, I did something I have never done before, I went back and read something I wrote during my early days of being widowed. It was a post from my own blog, where I was discussing how our song, “Something Stupid,” came to be.In that post I was talking about…
Am I Turning My Husband …..
Am I turning my husband….. …. into a saint? After really sitting down to think about it and to honestly delve into the recesses of my mind (which was an exhausting trip, by the way) …. I think I can honestly say …… no.I know, as do we all, that we tend to remember more of the good times after someone dies. I also know, that many people…
It’s 3:00AM
And I can’t sleep. This used to be a normal time to be sitting at my computer fingers tapping, and tears streaming down my face. I can’t count the number of times my feelings have been pounded out on my keyboard, but its been a good long time since the familiar ache of missing Phil has kept me awake into the wee hours of the morning. My heart is…
Just Call Me ….
Just call me……… Sybil. I very often feel like I have a split personality. I have passed the three year mark. I find these words difficult to absorb even as I type them. Hell, I never expected to live out the first year. And then I knew I wouldn’t survive the second. I often thought that it was a shame that I couldn’t just “think myself” to…
Wrapped in the Warmth
The holiday season is on me – not upon me, but really ON me – like a rash…I’m totally covered up. 😉 I’m not complaining, it is the fun things that are burying me, too many parties, too many friends, too much love. Clearly you can never have too many friends or too much love. My cup is Niagara Falls.This year is a different one from the previous…
Wonder Woman Returns
On Tuesday night, I went on a second date dressed as Wonder Woman. I know…right?!The back story: We tried to get together and then he was making cracks via email about how busy I am and then he asked if I was out saving the world, or something like that. He made a joke about my invisible airplane. His last comment to me before we met was…
Value Added
I said good bye to this guy a few days ago. Actually what I said was, “Let’s just call this what it seems to have turned into, a friendship.…”I did it in an email cause I tried to break it off once before over the phone and I moronically then asked him if he wanted a second chance (I KNOW!!! I KNOW…not my finest moment in the newly…