Yes ….. sometimes I talk to Jim. This is a new experience for me. I’ve been a widow for over 16 months and I’ve never really “talked” to him …. until recently. I couldn’t do it before. I couldn’t believe that he could see and hear me. After all, I have no doubt that he is in Heaven …. no doubt at all. And I have no doubt that there…
Widowed and Healing
Whose Life Is This?
The last couple of weeks have consisted of a whirlwind of new experiences, new people, new opportunities, and new challenges. Generally, I drop into bed exhausted and with little time to reflect due to my constant need to plan for the next day…not a new problem for me. When I do stop to look at the path my life has taken over the last 44 months,…
W.S.M.
What is a W.S.M.? A little acronym I came up with which stands for: Widow Soul Mate After losing Michael I had the fear of never meeting anyone else who could or would understand the pain, love, and grief that I was feeling. Luckily with my line of work, I have met many amazing people who are the epitome of survivors. In my travels through…
It is birthday weekend.
David and I were born only two days apart, out of all the years I’ve known him we’ve only been able to spend 3 birthdays together… Our 16th, our 21st, and our 22nd birthdays… (Picture taken at Six Flags California, April 2006, our 21st Birthdays) Previously, I looked forward to new years to come, new challenges… another birthday… life.
Things Change …..
… whether you want them to or not. I mean —- obviously, right? I decided to carry forward with both Michele’s post and Michelle’s post. After Jim died I never considered removing my wedding rings. Never. I felt it would be on my finger forever. And for many, many months it was. And then one day ….. that feeling changed. I know that I am still…
My Favorite Trail
Long Canyon Trail, in my hometown of Simi Valley, is one of my favorite places. This beautiful dirt road has been pounded by my feet on many a run. It is also the place where Phil and I most often rode our mountain bikes, went for evening runs, took the kids for night hikes looking for frogs, and did many a “double workout” on the steep hills that…
La Vie en Rose
It’s just one of those days, where the sun can’t shine enough to get me out of this funk. One of those days where my bed held me hostage, and I didn’t mind. One of those days where I don’t feel like doing much, and you know what…………… I’m totally ok with that!I’ve learned that at first I dreaded these days, they were a reminder that not…
My Valley
It’s Thursday. As I lay in my bed pondering all the emotions I’ve traveled through this week… I can’t help but smile and shake my head… Wow. Where the heck did I go this week?? And how did I get back?! Have you ever traveled through the depths of the “valley” of grief and lost recognition of who you are? I think and say things that surprise…
My Circle …
This picture is from our last vacation …. we went to Alaska in June of 2007. Jim died in December, 5 months later. I love this picture because it really “shows” us. We didn’t know it was being taken and were just enjoying some quiet time together. We held hands …. all of the time. I hate how empty my hand feels now. And this is the…
Still Looking for Signs
The weather on the day of Daniel’s funeral was spectacular. It was early November, 75 degrees and beautifully sunny. When they covered his grave, all of the funeral flowers were placed on top of it. Although the service was long over, family and friends still lingered, and no one seemed ready to leave. I know for me it was a finality I wasn’t yet…
Happy Easter?
Wishing someone a good day or a nice holiday weekend seems innocuous enough most of the time…but as a new widow well meant wishes from family, friends or strangers struck me like arrows. How exactly am I supposed to have a good day? Why do I care about this holiday? Have you forgotten for a moment that my husband is dead? Some days I could accept…
The Inconsistency of Consistency ….
If there’s one thing you can count on while on this road through widowhood (and there’s not much!) ….. it’s how constantly inconsistent everything seems to be ……. especially, but not limited to, our emotions. I used to think I was crazy ….. early on the path. I mean, after the first few months of black blurriness, I started to emerge once…