Anxiety.  Grabbing your chest in a tight ball. Stealing your breath from you. Stealing your sleep and your peace and your energy. I’ve been down in Texas a few days visiting for a close friend’s wedding I’m in and each morning I’ve woken up before the sun with anxiety. Anxious about being back home for only a short time. That I am but 3…

It’s very cold here.  Winter has settled upon this sleepy town in which I reside. Snow has fallen and ice has wrapped herself around anything and everything within her reach, clutching as if desperate. I, too, am desperate. Desperate to come in from the cold I was involuntarily tossed out into a short while ago. Desperate to come in and feel the…

Lately, Ive been feeling some sort of way.  Tired.  Spent.  Sick, but not like flu sick.  Heart sick.  Soul sick.  Something feels off.  I feel off.    Introspective. Quiet. Everything seems like Slow motion.  Im not quite sure what this is.  But I do know what it is.  Maybe. I think this might be my life now.  This might be “grief,…

I started something. A project some time ago. Something that had the potential to be great. It wasn’t the first time people had criticized my actions or gave me their advice or opinions.   With anything great or new always comes opposition, whether it be other people or ourselves.   When I dated for the first time after Linzi, I questioned…

I am so beyond pissed right now. I just wrote a great big blog post that took me over an hour to craft and create. It was perfect. It was all about all the things that nobody tells you about, all the things that will happen and that you feel and go through, when your person dies.  It was fucking perfect.  I clicked SEND. And it disappeared.  I…

When Mike died, that terrible first day, I remember asking a dear friend, in my stuttering confusion and desperation, to let me know how long that feeling was going to last. You know the one. The shock and horror of finding that your beloved husband had unexpectedly died during the night.    Yeah. That feeling.   That feeling when the ground…

The world is changing.   Perspectives are changing.   And they will continue to, so long as we journey forward and make attempts, not to be heard, but to hear.   This weekend I dived just a little further down the rabbit hole.   Grief is a funny thing.  It is a powerful and undeniable force, and many are trying their best to either suppress…

So today is Michele’s birthday. Who is Michele? Well, if youre a reader of this blog, you probably already know the answer to that question. And if this amazing woman has affected your life in any of the incredible and many ways she has affected mine, than you are a very fortunate person. But, just in case you are living under a rock and have no…

I’m so fucking relieved to say goodbye to 2017. Our daughter told me that 2017 was as hard for her, harder in some ways, than the year right after her dad died. It was harder for me, too, not for any one reason in particular, really.  Maybe because our entire world seems on edge. I’ve always told our kids that, no matter the state of the…

Within the widowed community, in the private widowed groups online mostly, Ive been hearing a lot of talk this week about holiday cards. Widowed people being upset or angered by or feeling very real pain – having to look at a Christmas card sent to them, with a picture of a happy and complete family, where nobody is dead, smiling and glittery with…

I stare into the distance of everything and nothing many times during a day’s measure, And, as I stare, I see everything and I see nothing I feel everything so much that I feel nothing.Pain and grief have morphed into emptiness Which is funny and humorous except not Because my life is incredibly full With family, with new friends and old Driving…