You ever look through photos of your dearly departed and think to yourself, these are it. There will not be any more or any new photos. This is all there is. It can’t just be me, right? But it’s TRUE. I have a finite number of photos of Mario. There’s one actual photo album I […]
Other Widowed Perspectives
One thing I’ve found just from reading everyone else’s posts here as well as bumping into other widows in person, is that there are things we can all relate to, but each of us is on our own unique journey. A couple weekends ago I decided to check out a small art show that was […]
A long ago sunrise…
I happened to be looking for some old files of work that Mario had done for a client years ago. So I hooked up the old external drive that used to be attached to his computer. I’m sure it’s a little different for everyone, but going through your departed spouses computer files can definitely be […]
Things Left Behind
People leave behind an energy. People leave behind ideas. People leave behind accomplishments. People leave behind material things. And people leave behind emotions in others. In the case where someone is highly creative, they also leave behind works of their creativity. In all these ways, death is not final. Throughout history, humans have expressed themselves […]
The Wine Glass
Yesterday I had a rather miserable day. It was one of those days that if ONE thing would have been different, it actually would have been really great. I had planned to take a day off and go up to the mountains for an afternoon of snowboarding after seeing there might be some sun in […]
The flame that burns twice as bright…
I think about this from time to time. “The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long.” ― Lao Tzu, Te-Tao Ching In a number of ways, Mario’s flame really did burn twice as bright, and he certainly fulfilled the half as long part by only making it to age 47. One of […]
At night, alone.
I haven’t actually written poetry in decades, but for whatever reason, tonight, I felt this. It popped into my head and I simply typed it out. At night, alone, the quite hum, Computers and all things left undone, A spark, a life, a light gone from. No TV on, No bottles clank, Just memories from […]
Necessary Breaks
We’re almost three months into 2025 already and this is the first short trip away I’ve taken. My intention is to have a short trip every month, but it just doesn’t always work out. Now that my mom’s having a lot of new troubles, I feel like I won’t be able to take as many […]
Friday night ramblings …
Well, it’s technically still Friday, but apologies for the late post! I got sidetracked last night, which is usually my post writing time, by making a special trip over to my mom’s house after not hearing from her all day. She was fine, just having some computer difficulty which I was able to help out […]
The Physicality of Grief
I remember as soon as Mario passed away, I started having weird, unexpected pains. There were these stabbing type of head pains that I’d never really dealt with before. There were unusual body aches. I really didn’t know what to make of it, so naturally, I turned to searching on the internet – “can grief […]
Eras, Part III
It’s kind of wild to think that I’ve lived in Oregon now for just 2 years shy of 20. It literally seems like last week that Mario and I left our apartment in Orange County, CA is our green, Kia Sportage with our computers and our cat. The moving truck had just picked up all […]
Pay it forward, living a different life, and other thoughts this week.
It’s a hell of a thing when a week contains both the anniversary of your spouse’s death and Valentines day. Super Bowl Sunday I went over to my mom’s house. At some point while watching the game, she said, “It’s been exactly 6 months since your dad passed.” She was quiet for a little bit […]