How Do You Prepare Someone ….for the loss of their spouse? The answer is easy. You can’t. Oh, you can tell them to get their finances in order, to say “I love you” a million times, to make sure their name is on everything from the mortgage to the utility bills, but how can you prepare their heart? It’s impossible.I recently “met” a woman who…
Because I Knew You …..
….. I have been changed. “For Good”. This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals. Yesterday, for the first time in over three years ….. I could hear it, and sing with it, without crying. Not just tears-trickling-crying, but great, huge, gut-wrenching sobs-crying. For. The. First. Time. I have been changed. For good? Yes,…
Am I Turning My Husband …..
Am I turning my husband….. …. into a saint? After really sitting down to think about it and to honestly delve into the recesses of my mind (which was an exhausting trip, by the way) …. I think I can honestly say …… no.I know, as do we all, that we tend to remember more of the good times after someone dies. I also know, that many people…
Just Call Me ….
Just call me……… Sybil. I very often feel like I have a split personality. I have passed the three year mark. I find these words difficult to absorb even as I type them. Hell, I never expected to live out the first year. And then I knew I wouldn’t survive the second. I often thought that it was a shame that I couldn’t just “think myself” to…
I Didn’t See it Coming ….
… yet again. A wave hit me yesterday. And I never saw it coming …. although I should have.I have found that there are 3 types of waves for me: 1. the waves that come out of nowhere, for no rhyme or reason, but crash upon me anyway. 2. the waves that I expect to come …. a certain date, experience or something that I know will bring on a…
“You Should Be Happy” …..
…. is what someone told me last night. Actually, the entire sentence was …. “All of your children are home. You should be happy.” I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I was on the phone, explaining to this person, through tears, that I was feeling sad. And that sentence was the response I got.Most people would probably agree with that…
My Subconscious Mind ….
…. is sometimes a lot more powerful than I’d like it to be. Maybe it’s bigger than the rest of my mind. Or maybe it’s just a lot more determined to be in charge. All I know is that it’s very aware of the date on the calendar and it seems hell-bent on forcing my emotions to react to that memory …. even when the rest of my mind is going along…
The “After Me” vs. ….
We all know that we are changed after the death of our spouse. We are changed because of the death of our spouse and everything that follows in its wake. But how am I different now? How is the “After Janine” different from the “Before Janine”? Let me count the ways …..1. I am less naive. I know, really know, that happiness is not…
The Pain Vs. ….
If someone had been able to tell me 27 years ago (and I had believed them) that I would experience Hell on Earth, walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, be a single mother of six kids, and ….. know the pain of being a widow at a young age …… would I have still married Jim? Honestly? Probably not. I mean, wouldn’t hearing that…
Bitter Sweet ….
…. is the word I use to describe the upcoming Holidays now. Not as sucky as they’ve been (I hope), nor as sweet as they used to be. Jim died exactly one week before Christmas. Three weeks before his birthday.My “death march” begins right before Thanksgiving, as I remember where we were that year, what we were doing, how unsuspecting we all were.
I Seem to Be Falling Apart ….
… but this time …. I’m falling apart physically more than emotionally. At least for now. I’m not sure which is worse. I’m just hoping that, this time, I can cope with a physical problem without having the waves of grief crash in on me.I’ve had to deal with a lot of crap since Jim died …. crap that my body has experienced because of, in my…
A Dead Husband vs. ….
…. a nice bank account. That’s the issue today. I originally published the majority of this post (with a different title) on my personal blog on October 27th. But it seemed to hit home with so many widowed people that I thought I’d write it again (and add to it) here. “You treat yourself nice.” …….. someone said to me yesterday, while…