….. is not a walk in the freakin’ park. Don’t get me wrong …. it can certainly be wonderful ….. but it also can really piss me off.I tend to get pissed at Jim a lot now …. for dying and leaving my in this position. I wouldn’t have to be dating someone new if he hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be getting angry at how different this man is if he…
Widowed and New Love
Is It Worth the Effort?
I am in a relationship. It’s been about 5 months now and it’s mostly going great. Mostly. I am finding that having a relationship while still grieving for what I do not have is very, very difficult. Of course it’s difficult to blend the children. Some of mine are making it WAY difficult. His (he has been a widower for over 8 years) have been great.
Kissing
I don’t remember how Art kissed. I remember how it felt. Warm, sensual, desired, sexy, girly, vixenish, delightful. When the connection was right, our kissing opened a door that lead to ….I kissed a guy last night. He’s not the first one that I have kissed but last time, back in the earlier months I kissed for and with the need to connect, to…
Do You Mind?
Hi honey, It has been such a long time since I have written you a letter. In fact, my eyes are welling up now realizing that I talk to you all the time in my heart but those words are no longer committed to paper. Remember the letters I wrote to you every day for the first year? I spilled my frustrations, feelings, fears, and memories across every…
Fill the Void?
The thought occasionally enters my mind now and then that maybe I should date. I’m lonely. I want someone to talk to. Someone to spend time with. Someone to care about and have care about me. But then, I wonder, am I just looking for Jeff? No one is EVER going to measure up to him. No one is ever going to have his sense of humor, his sexiness, his…
Warning Labels
Since Phil died in August of 2005 I have met thousands of widowed people. That fact astounds me. I speak to a new widowed person daily. Every single day, and I am just one person. And yet I am still surprised by death, both personally and professionally. What? Our loved ones die? Since when? But he was so young! What about the kids left behind? How…
Happy Ending?
Someone recently asked me if I thought my current relationship would have a happy ending. I’m sure that person just meant to ask if I pictured being with this man from now on, but I was a bit stunned by that question and just said, “I hope so.” As soon as those words came out I instantly thought, “Of course not”.Does that sound horrible? I don’t…
Saying Yes
As a parent, I have often found saying NO to be easier than saying YES. Over the years I have made a conscious effort to consider the questions my kids ask me before I blurt out a negative response. Many times I realize that the reason I say NO is that I don’t want to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the request. I will confess that…
It’s Not the Same ….
My life changed drastically and permanently on December 18, 2007. Nothing is the same. Nothing. I am not the same. I will never be the same. And I’m finally OK with that (I’m not so sure that everyone else is).My children are not the same. And I’m OK with that, too. I don’t have to like it, but I’m OK with it. My home doesn’t feel the same.
Presumed Dead
I have an internal panic switch which is automatically activated whenever anyone I love, know, am briefly acquainted with, or maybe even have only heard about on the evening news is not where they are supposed to be. Any and all types of missing people are presumed dead, by me, immediately. I have an internal panic switch which is automatically…
Finding Balance…..
….. seems to be life-long process, doesn’t it? We try to find balance between school work and fun, then between marriage and work, then between marriage and work and children. For the past two years I’ve struggled to find balance between grieving and living.And now my heart is trying to find a new balance …. between a wonderful current…
Throwing in the Towel
I have often said that anyone whose spouse has died should receive an automatic, lifetime, get-out-of-jail-free card. This card would be used for things like avoiding leaking faucets, flat tires, broken fences, faulty plumbing, and critters stuck under the house or in the chimney. This all purpose pass should also free the bearer from: teenage…