If I were a writer, writing a book about this woman who travels the country in a pink car, towing a tiny pink-trimmed trailer, living the legacy of love left behind by her husband, this is what I would write for this moment in that timeline~And, right then and there, somewhere in the 5th month of the 3rd year of doing this crazy, crazy, Odyssey…
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You’re Missing It
Tonight I went out into NYC to hang with some friends in the comedy world, and to see my dear friend and legendary comedian Elayne Boosler host a live TV taping of a stand-up comedy show called “Gotham Live” on AXIS TV. She got me into the show along with a few others as her guest, and there was an after-party downstairs at the club following the…
My Compass~
This poem pretty much nails it for me, what it is…this missing-ness. I wonder if this…the feelings conveyed in the poem, ever really go away. Will there be a time when I don’t feel this weight? Will I ever feel joyous again? Will I ever have any sense of who I am again? Because for 24 years I felt these things and I loved who I was. So, I…
Defining Family
If you had asked me to define the word “family” just over 4 years ago, I probably would have said that my family is my husband. He is my family. And then my parents and my brother, and then my cousins and aunts and uncles and other relatives that we saw on holidays, or some of them several times a year at gatherings and parties. Maybe I would have…
Separate and Together~
I’m two people and I don’t know how to resolve that. Or if it can be resolved. Or if it will be resolved.In some ways, this isn’t new to me. I’m a Gemini, after all. Twinsies. Never has that been more apparent than since Chuck’s death. And I know I’m not alone in this feeling of separateness, this another person exists within the self…
50 Reasons to Love Don Shepherd
I could not think of one single thing to write about today. Not one single thing. not because I am suddenly healed and “all better” from my loss, since we know there is no such thing as that. But just because. Im exhausted. Im tired of writing. My brain is fried beyond belief, and I just could not conjure up even ONE thought to post in here today.
this glorious grief~
grieve gloriously you are cracked wide openlisten not to the instructions of others how you must grieve own your relationship and what it now means to bear the physical absence of that one you loved love still in the ethereal world scream cry rend your garments curl into the floor gasp your grief it is yours not theirs grieve gloriously and give…
When~
when will i not hold my breath waiting to hear your voice?will i not wish for time to go in reverse (only a few years, maybe 8) so we could still be together? will i not ache for your lips smiling at me across a crowded room or right next to me as i catch your gaze? when will my body not feel starved for your touch for our two bodies twisting and…
Seeing in Color
Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I love the fall so much, and it is always much too short and goes away much too fast. But for so many reasons, the fall is just filled with awesomeness and beauty for me. It’s why I chose to get married in October. My birthday is in late September, and then my husband’s birthday follows in November.
Beyond Imagining~
Sometimes when other women hear that my husband died, their response is oh god I could never live without my husband I don’t know how you do it my husband is my life I just can’t imagine what this is like for you….and such. They’re speaking honestly and truthfully and I’m sure they wish to convey every sort of empathy and sympathy…
Food, My Old Friend
Well it’s been just over 4 years since my husband’s sudden and awful death, and today, I am still grieving. I am grieving food. I am grieving and mourning potato skins, mashed potato with gravy, french fries, home fries, potatoes au gratin, baked potato with sour cream and bacon and cheese … shall I go on? There are so many things one can do…
two-word lines
you died heart shattered Breathing cut eyes stung pulse raced sweat poured body shook memories pained i drove marriages happened babies birthed life continued hearts wept life awry you died…