After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get over it, move on, allow time to heal me, or be grateful that Phil was in a better place. Frankly, getting better sounded like forgetting, getting over it was impossible, moving on implied leaving a time when Phil was a part of my world, time as a concept wasn’t doing much for me, and…
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No Matter How Long it is~
…We’ve joked around for a long time about how much we love each other and who loves one another more, and I just want you to know… I love you more. And no matter what, i will always, always be there with you, and no matter how long it is until I see you again…I will see you again. And you remember every day, every day… P.S I love…
When Great Trees Fall
When Great Trees Fall Maya Angelou When great trees fall, rocks on distant hills shudder, lions hunker down in tall grasses, and even elephants lumber after safety. When great trees fall in forests, small things recoil into silence, their senses eroded beyond fear.When great souls die, the air around us becomes light, rare, sterile. We…
Backward is Forward
So Tuesday was my wedding anniversary. It would have been 9 years married this October 27th, but of course, we were right smack in the middle of year 4 in our marriage, when my beautiful husband suddenly dropped dead. The reality of this event – someone being there one second, and then the next second, not – has become more and more baffling to me…
To Grief or Not to Grief, and What’s Normal or Not?
My dad died a few days ago. I knew the end was near for him, so I got in my car in Arizona and headed to Colorado. It was a 2 day drive but I figured I’d get some adrenalin going and make it in 1 day. Which I would have except that hail and rain and wind got in the way and I had to stop overnight for safety reasons.I don’t know what it…
Grief Timeline
The day Phil died I had no idea what kind of roller coaster ride I was about to board. In many ways I felt I was shuffled onto the first outgoing cart marked “grief,” and told to put my lap belt on low and tight. Maybe I would have managed the twists and turns of the journey better if someone handed me a grief timeline that mapped out the course…
Emotional Yoga and Stressed Out Knees~
Have you ever considered where you hold your grief? The heart, obviously…our soul, most certainly, though it isn’t locate-able in our bodies. Our shoulders that are up around our ears. Hands that clench. Our bodies hold our grief. I ask because I’ve become more and more aware that I’m holding a major amount of my grief in my knees,…
With Apologies~
I apologize to all of you for this week’s lack of a blog. I’m sooooo sick.Emotions were high and my immune system is low and all the emotions of my son’s graduation from Basic training for the Air Force,combined with a germ I picked up from my daughter, have laid me low. But I haven’t been able to really pay attention to it until now, as I had to…
Our Dance~
His eyes would catch mine across a crowded room and he would wink at me. It connected us through the energy of all those other people. I loved when he winked at me. We danced everywhere. In the kitchen, in the hallways, in our gardens outside, and on the side of the road in Death Valley. Not in the way that people who really know how to dance…
This HUGE Milestone~
I’ve been back on the road again for the last month and some, traveling from Connecticut, through Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, and here to Texas, where I’ve been for a week.Our youngest son graduates from Basic training with the Air Force this week. He’s been here at Lackland AFB for 8 weeks, going through initial training for a career…
And She Became~
If I were a writer, writing a book about this woman who travels the country in a pink car, towing a tiny pink-trimmed trailer, living the legacy of love left behind by her husband, this is what I would write for this moment in that timeline~And, right then and there, somewhere in the 5th month of the 3rd year of doing this crazy, crazy, Odyssey…
You’re Missing It
Tonight I went out into NYC to hang with some friends in the comedy world, and to see my dear friend and legendary comedian Elayne Boosler host a live TV taping of a stand-up comedy show called “Gotham Live” on AXIS TV. She got me into the show along with a few others as her guest, and there was an after-party downstairs at the club following the…