It starts with words. Then numbers. Your shoe laces. Sentences. Driving. Kissing. Love. Death. The things we learn in the earliest of ages can sometimes make us nostalgic. To have no worries but to learn what 1 + 2 equals. To clean your room. To use stick shift.Then life happens and adds dimension and layers you could have never imagined. The warm,…
Weird
I’d be lying if I said I miss being weird…I still am and will always be. But oh…how I miss being weird with him. Not so much weird with him, but ourselves completely. I impressed him with my Gallum impersonation. He impressed me with his Chewbacca roar. He spent his lunch breaks watching Star Trek Next Generation, and loved that I collected…
Deny
When loss strikes, we have a way of denying ourselves of things. Whether it be the ability to smile since they can’t smile. The ability to see all the impact that they’re life left by focusing on the fact that they were taken so suddenly. The ability to celebrate life’s happenings, since they are not there to celebrate it with you. Our ability to…
Today
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu It’s Veteran’s Day, and it comes every year with many people asking what I’ll be doing. How I’ll be honoring a day that my husband fought and died to be recognized as a part of.I guess in a way these days (Veteran’s and Memorial Day) are not so…
The Why’s
***This is a post I wrote 3 years ago today. Almost a bookmark to my progress.*** Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive Now we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a…
Burn
I know the phrase is a little off-putting but I think I’d be in naive in not noting those that have come in and out of my life since Michael’s death….though burning of bridges is probably an exaggeration of a statement. In the beginning of Michael’s death, many left or were hurt by the lack of understanding of the pain and loss I was feeling. As…
Third Year
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time. Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…
Moments
They happen…sometimes more than I think I can handle. Those moments where it feels like I’m in a well, with all the walls caving in on me. The sad thing is I see it when I’m being lowered down….like the bucket on the rope. I anticipate what will happen and still am lowered further and further down…feeling as if there is no one at the top to…
Proposal
You placed it onto my finger and our eyes met….making the agreement that from that point on our souls would be eternally connected….a searing of two hearts into one…no matter what lay ahead. 6 years ago you asked me the question that taught me that risk was a shorter word for following one’s heart. Nothing has been more clear or absolute.
Needed
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, and I’m kind of getting acclimated on the occasions where they happen…and in a way enjoying the mayhem it brings. Last weekend was one of the best parts. We held an Inner Peace getaway for the amazing AWP ladies. From yoga to sailing to long nights of talking….it helped center me back in a place that…
Love
Hey Guys, came upon these at another great blog site . I especially like 4 and 6. Take care, T4… My heart grew somber with grief, and wherever I looked I saw only death. My own country became a torment and my own home a grotesque abode of misery. All that we had done together was now a grim ordeal without him. My eyes searched everywhere for him,…
Next Week
Next week, at this exact time, many of y’all will be home…and when I say home, I mean at Camp Widow.Though I will be unable to attend this year, it was my honor to be among fellow widows and widowers at last year’s celebration of love, life and survival. My fellow widows have been a blood line and a huge reason I’ve made it this far and actually…